Family Time

August 29, 2014

When my wife and I were raising two sons who participated in high school wrestling, we had two hopes before each large wrestling meet in which they participated. First, that they wouldn’t get hurt; and second, that they would win their last match of the day.

We didn’t care if that last match was for 7th, 5th, 3rd or 1st place. The ride home was just a lot brighter when the last match was a victory. We always struggled for the right words when the last match of the day was a loss.

So my wife and I found it especially interesting to read an article about Jeff Daniels published Aug. 7 in the Lansing State Journal that included this excerpt:

Daniels attributes some of his family’s closeness to life in Chelsea and traveling around Michigan to play hockey.

“I’m a big fan of soccer, however, we went hockey and never looked back,” he said. “Ben was 8, and Luke was 5 when they started in hockey in Ann Arbor. All those 5:45 a.m.’s on Yost Arena ice on Saturday and Sunday. All the way through the end of high school.

“I tell parents now, it’s not whether the kid excelled, it’s not, ‘Why didn’t you shoot instead of pass, ‘You’ve got to work on your slap shot.’ It’s not that,” he said.

“It’s the drive there and the drive back. And you talk about anything else except about the game. And we believe that the time we spent doing that, and not focusing on pounding your kid to be better at the next game when he’s 12 damn years old, is one reason we’re so close as a family when the kids are in their 20s.”

Don’t Look Back

November 23, 2011

In August of 1986, at the end of the one week of overlap between the previous MHSAA executive director, Vern Norris, and the start of my tenure, I found an envelope on my desk from Mr. Norris that read:  “No words of advice.  Just make your decisions and don’t look back.”  That’s Lesson No. 5 of six in this series of blogs.

In our work, time is of the essence.  We don’t have the luxury of long deliberations.  The next game may be today; the next round of the tournament tomorrow.

In our work, staff is limited.  We don’t have subpoena power.  We have few staff spread thinly over many responsibilities.

In our work, because it’s in a competitive arena, people are sometimes disingenuous.  Some have personal agendas, impure motives sometimes. They care who wins and loses; we don’t.

And most people have miserable memories.  I’m skeptical that people recall well the details of events; and people are even worse when recalling details of conversations.

So, in our work, we make one more call and then, with good intentions and reliance on rules, we get on with the decision and try not to look back.

It’s hard to do, but a good deal healthier if we can.