After the Game: What do you say?
April 20, 2017
By Kevin Wolma
Hudsonville Athletic Director
“I love to watch you play.” Those are the six words a son or daughter wants to hear from his or her parents after a game.
What if your child does not play? What do you say then? Parents can’t say, “I love to watch you play” when your child does not play, nor can they say other post-competition statements like:
“Did you fight like a dog?”
“Did you have fun?”
It is hard to fight like a dog when not given the opportunity, and we all know players have more fun when they play in the game. When you google the phrase, “what to say after a game,” there are all sorts of articles written with some of them backed by research. However, when you google the phrase – “what to say when your kid does not play” – very little comes out of that search.
Why?
This is a hard and very sensitive area for most parents to come up with the right thing to say.
Before we talk about what to say in this situation, it may be more important to discuss what not to say after a game where your child does not play. Some of the comments all parents should avoid are:
“Why have you not played in the last three games? Your coach must not like you for some reason.”
“Your coach is clueless; he has no idea what he is doing.”
“You are way better than Johnny! I can’t believe he is playing more minutes than you.”
“Did you see how many mistakes Suzie made? I know if you were given the opportunity you would not make those same mistakes.”
Parents will often say these things because they are frustrated, and parents think they are comforting their child by giving them an excuse. What these comments actually do is create a divisive culture within a team. After hearing these negative comments over and over again, the athlete will eventually believe it only to see his or her attitude and effort become negatively affected over time. That athlete turns into a selfish teammate.
Now let’s put yourself in the situation where your child comes home after a game after not playing. What do you say?
The first thing you could do is talk about the game itself. Recount certain plays and make note of individuals who played well for both teams. This initial conversation takes the uncomfortable nature of the situation and sets the stage to talk about how athletes feel about not getting into the game.
There may be times when your child will not want to talk about it because he or she is upset, angry or even embarrassed. These moments of silence give the parents an opportunity to talk about the importance of being a good teammate and how an athlete can have a major impact on the team no matter what role is played. They can teach how to be the first person off the bench to congratulate or give a word of encouragement to teammates. Parents also can point out that the harder athletes work in practice, the better it is going to make the team.
In other words, we have the responsibility as parents to teach our kids the significance of living life pointed out no matter the circumstance. Living pointed out simply means to put others before yourself in everything you do. Finding ways to make the people around you the best they can be. No complaining. No excuses.
Andrew DeWitt played two years of Varsity basketball for me at Hudsonville, and he rarely had the opportunity to play. Unfortunately for him, he was a good player on two really good teams with lots of talent. He understood his role and treated practices like games – playing as hard as he could.
He would elevate the intensity of practice every day. On game nights, he was our biggest cheerleader. His impact went way beyond scoring points or getting rebounds.
Andrew’s parents were great teachers as they guided him through those tough times where it would have been easy to make an excuse or complain. Instead, they taught Andrew he could always have an influence on other people’s lives despite the role he played. What a great lesson that Andrew can carry with him for the rest of his life.
At the end of the day, one thing every parent in every situation can say that will have a positive impact is, “I love you.” Many times athletes think they are letting their parents down because of their lack of playing time. Knowing that their parents love them the same whether they play a lot or not at all has a significant impact on how the student-athlete responds to adversity, and specifically not playing in games.
I challenge all parents to use these potentially negative situations as a way to teach student-athletes valuable lessons on what it means to be a great teammate – and more importantly in teaching them to live their life pointed out. There may not be a simple six-word phrase to say when your child does not play, but there is definitely plenty to talk about.
Wolma has served as Hudsonville's athletic director since 2011 and previously coached boys varsity basketball and girls varsity golf among other teams. He also previously taught physical education and health.
English's Hall of Fame Contributions to St. Francis Continue Behind Camera Lens
By
Tom Spencer
Special for MHSAA.com
October 9, 2025
The name Julie English is now synonymous with Traverse City St. Francis football.
English spent her first two decades contributing to the school behind the scenes, helping the Gladiators launch boys and girls soccer programs, and scoring volleyball and basketball. She served as team manager for boys and girls soccer and even bus driver, so to speak, for the latter.
She’s also very noticeable on the sidelines of football, soccer and volleyball games, taking pictures with the aid of a motorized wheelchair.
This past Saturday, she was front and center. She was inducted into the Grand Traverse Area Catholic Schools Hall of Fame – established in 2007 to recognize individuals who inspire others by being exemplary role models.
English was paralyzed 10 years ago as she reached the end of a zip line while chaperoning a girls soccer team trip weeks ahead of the 2015 season. Many recall snow on the ground as she went first, intending to take pictures of the team as they planned to follow. She decided to go first that March day despite a fear of heights.
“It was all part of God's plan because I am afraid of heights – I really had to talk myself into going on the zip line,” said English, who considers it a freak accident and doesn’t discourage anyone from giving zip lining a try. “I was thinking, you know, I'm trying to convince these girls to step outside their comfort zone. And if I'm too afraid to do something like that, what kind of an example am I? So I breathed it and went up and actually it was fun – until it wasn't.“
Past TCSF athletic director Tom Hardy introduced English at the induction ceremony last weekend. He lauded the “amazing women he had the privilege” of working with during his 18-year tenure.
“While such a devastating event might have broken many, it only served to strengthen Julie's unwavering faith,” Hardy said. “She approaches each day with grace, fully aware of the challenges ahead, yet she embraces them with joy, love, and laughter. Following her accident, Julie dove deeper into her passion of photography.”
English now generously volunteers her time capturing St. Francis athletic events and creating lasting memories for students and their families through her lens, leaving school officials, coaches, players and supporters in awe.
Current TCSF athletic director Aaron Biggar has personally been touched by English’s work, through her photographs of his boys playing football for St. Francis. He’s thrilled to have English for home game, and she also travels to – and is welcomed by – volleyball, football and soccer opponents.
“Julie’s ability to capture those life events for parents who are watching the game and not taking pictures, has been such a gift for our community,” Biggar said. “She's been around so long and (is) so accepted by our community. And even by opposing teams, they allow her to be on the field and make precautions and stuff so she can. Our opponents in other schools have also been so accommodating of her and helping.”
English was at Thirlby Field last week capturing the Glads’ big Homecoming win over Boyne City, 20-13. She won’t be on the road tonight as the Glads put their undefeated football record on the line against Pontiac Notre Dame Prep. But she will be back on the football sidelines Oct. 18 when St. Francis hosts Jackson Lumen Christi. And she’ll also be on the sidelines next week when the boys soccer team continues what it hopes will be another deep run into the postseason.
English’s humility, deep faith, and enduring optimism have had a profound and lasting impact, supporters note. Not surprisingly, her biggest concern as she takes pictures today is not her safety – it is the safety of the home and visiting athletes.
“I think sometimes I make people nervous, but I am always cognizant of what's going on, because the last thing I want to do is hurt anybody, like, have them run into me and then get hurt,” English said. “I want to be where I can get a good picture, but definitely not where someone could get injured if they ran into me.”
English’s photos are treasures for St. Francis families, points out Mike Kanitz, who was inducted into the Hall of Fame alongside English. In fact, he nominated her. Kanitz is the junior varsity girls basketball coach, volleyball game manager, volleyball announcer and volleyball scorekeeper, football press box manager, and the Glads’ soccer game manager.
“Julie’s ability to capture time for SF families, I mean, is priceless,” said Kanitz, who also can be found at the scorer’s table for boys basketball. “She catches kids in their level of joy, and it's cool. It's a snapshot in time, and she does it for every family. I mean, this is all free. She posts it all free. She doesn’t charge anybody. And she she's such a hard worker. She's everywhere.”
Kanitz vividly recalls English’s efforts to bring soccer to St. Francis. It happened in 2002. The Glads first had a club team coached by volunteer Reggie Rix.
“She had to fight some hurdles and it was a lot of work, and to start a new sport – her vision was the correct vision,” Kanitz said. “There were coaches, but Julie was really the one that took care of everything. Julie was fair to all children. She wanted all kids to have that good experience of high school sports.”
Kanitz, one of many who regularly see English’s photos and read her inspiring messages on social media, finds it difficult to think about the zip line accident. His daughter was one of the St. Francis soccer players waiting to come down the line next.
“It's still hard for me to actually think about and talk about, but Julie's handled it better than anybody,” he said. “Her faith in God is so strong, and her message she writes … these Facebook stories about where she's at in her journey … they're moving and people read them, and it affects people.”
Early on, Julie recognized the vital importance of a Catholic education for her children and committed herself wholeheartedly to making it a reality, Hardy recalled. In addition to operating a full-time in-home daycare for more than 30 years, she worked weekends to help make ends meet and ensure that her four children – Ian, Caitlin, Jordan and Chelsea – remained enrolled in the Catholic schools.
As the owner of a daycare business, English drove a 12-passenger blue van. She often emptied the car seats in time to get 11 players – including Caitlin and Chelsea – to soccer games wherever TCSF was playing.
Caitlin English played on the first TCSF girls soccer team in 2002. She presented Hardy with a petition to offer soccer, signed by St. Francis athletes. As a club, English is proud to say, the team won all 17 of its games. When soccer became a school-sponsored varsity sport a year later, it was a cooperative with Traverse City Christian called Liberty.
Ian English was on the field for St. Francis boys’ first game, played through a co-op also with TC Christian during the fall of 2008. Chelsea English also played soccer for the Glads. Jordan English played rugby.
Ian, Jordan and Chelsea were at Julie’s induction ceremony. Caitlin, now living in the Grand Rapids area, was unable to attend because she is coaching soccer for her own daughter, Emilia, although Julie’s son-in-law did attend.
English gets around today with a vehicle adapted for her. She is supported regularly by Ian and Chelsea, along with a mother of nearby Kingsley High School athletes. She’s been spotted on the sidelines taking pictures at Kingsley volleyball and soccer matches, too. English also has been able to get to Grand Rapids and capture her granddaughter’s early soccer days with her camera.
She is enjoying a new beginning with soccer as well as her newer role for the Glads.
“Back in the day, I was able to run the clock, take pictures and do the book,” English said. “I don't think my brain would handle all of that now, but, you know, it was it was fun to do at the time. Not being able to do daycare anymore and not being able to do the things I did at St. Francis are the hardest things about being in a wheelchair – just not being able to do all the things I used to do.”
This spring marked the 10-year anniversary of the accident. English said she never asks, “Why me?” Rather, she is determined to can find the good and take advantage it.
Hardy agreed.
“Julie has said, ‘Never doubt who and what God puts in front of you,’” Hardy said. “This encapsulates the guiding ethos of her life.”
Tom Spencer is a longtime MHSAA-registered basketball and soccer official, and former softball and baseball official, and he also has coached in the northern Lower Peninsula area. He previously has written for the Saginaw News, Bay County Sports Page and Midland Daily News. He can be reached at [email protected] with story ideas for Manistee, Wexford, Missaukee, Roscommon, Ogemaw, Iosco, Alcona, Oscoda, Crawford, Kalkaska, Grand Traverse, Benzie, Leelanau, Antrim, Otsego, Montmorency, Alpena, Presque Isle, Cheboygan, Charlevoix and Emmet counties.
PHOTOS (Top) Longtime Traverse City St. Francis supporter Julie English readies for her next shot while attending a Gladiators football game this season. (Middle) English captures a few frames. (Below) English recently was inducted into the Grand Traverse Area Catholic Schools Hall of Fame. (Top two photos by Rick Sack/TC Rick Photo. Below photo by Tom Spencer.)