After the Game: What do you say?
April 20, 2017
By Kevin Wolma
Hudsonville Athletic Director
“I love to watch you play.” Those are the six words a son or daughter wants to hear from his or her parents after a game.
What if your child does not play? What do you say then? Parents can’t say, “I love to watch you play” when your child does not play, nor can they say other post-competition statements like:
“Did you fight like a dog?”
“Did you have fun?”
It is hard to fight like a dog when not given the opportunity, and we all know players have more fun when they play in the game. When you google the phrase, “what to say after a game,” there are all sorts of articles written with some of them backed by research. However, when you google the phrase – “what to say when your kid does not play” – very little comes out of that search.
Why?
This is a hard and very sensitive area for most parents to come up with the right thing to say.
Before we talk about what to say in this situation, it may be more important to discuss what not to say after a game where your child does not play. Some of the comments all parents should avoid are:
“Why have you not played in the last three games? Your coach must not like you for some reason.”
“Your coach is clueless; he has no idea what he is doing.”
“You are way better than Johnny! I can’t believe he is playing more minutes than you.”
“Did you see how many mistakes Suzie made? I know if you were given the opportunity you would not make those same mistakes.”
Parents will often say these things because they are frustrated, and parents think they are comforting their child by giving them an excuse. What these comments actually do is create a divisive culture within a team. After hearing these negative comments over and over again, the athlete will eventually believe it only to see his or her attitude and effort become negatively affected over time. That athlete turns into a selfish teammate.
Now let’s put yourself in the situation where your child comes home after a game after not playing. What do you say?
The first thing you could do is talk about the game itself. Recount certain plays and make note of individuals who played well for both teams. This initial conversation takes the uncomfortable nature of the situation and sets the stage to talk about how athletes feel about not getting into the game.
There may be times when your child will not want to talk about it because he or she is upset, angry or even embarrassed. These moments of silence give the parents an opportunity to talk about the importance of being a good teammate and how an athlete can have a major impact on the team no matter what role is played. They can teach how to be the first person off the bench to congratulate or give a word of encouragement to teammates. Parents also can point out that the harder athletes work in practice, the better it is going to make the team.
In other words, we have the responsibility as parents to teach our kids the significance of living life pointed out no matter the circumstance. Living pointed out simply means to put others before yourself in everything you do. Finding ways to make the people around you the best they can be. No complaining. No excuses.
Andrew DeWitt played two years of Varsity basketball for me at Hudsonville, and he rarely had the opportunity to play. Unfortunately for him, he was a good player on two really good teams with lots of talent. He understood his role and treated practices like games – playing as hard as he could.
He would elevate the intensity of practice every day. On game nights, he was our biggest cheerleader. His impact went way beyond scoring points or getting rebounds.
Andrew’s parents were great teachers as they guided him through those tough times where it would have been easy to make an excuse or complain. Instead, they taught Andrew he could always have an influence on other people’s lives despite the role he played. What a great lesson that Andrew can carry with him for the rest of his life.
At the end of the day, one thing every parent in every situation can say that will have a positive impact is, “I love you.” Many times athletes think they are letting their parents down because of their lack of playing time. Knowing that their parents love them the same whether they play a lot or not at all has a significant impact on how the student-athlete responds to adversity, and specifically not playing in games.
I challenge all parents to use these potentially negative situations as a way to teach student-athletes valuable lessons on what it means to be a great teammate – and more importantly in teaching them to live their life pointed out. There may not be a simple six-word phrase to say when your child does not play, but there is definitely plenty to talk about.
Wolma has served as Hudsonville's athletic director since 2011 and previously coached boys varsity basketball and girls varsity golf among other teams. He also previously taught physical education and health.
Century of School Sports: Together, We are the MHSAA
By
Geoff Kimmerly
MHSAA.com senior editor
July 9, 2025
A primary mission of the MHSAA’s 100-year anniversary has been to connect today’s athletes, administrators, coaches, game officials and spectators with their roles in the ever-growing story of school sports in Michigan.
Indeed, together, we are the MHSAA.
Over the last 10 months and with today’s 44th and final installment, our “Century of School Sports” series also has sought to tell a deeper and more detailed story of how the MHSAA has arrived at this moment. As our work becomes new with the start of every school year, and with every family experiencing educational athletics for the first time, it’s a story that must always be updated, expanded and retold.
But at the heart of most organizations is a fundamental statement. So to close this celebration, we below break down what is literally the “About” of the MHSAA – as we prepare to build on these values in adding to our story again and again during the century to come.
The MHSAA is a private, not-for-profit corporation …
Although the MHSAA has built a thriving relationship with the Michigan Department of Education over the last many decades – and, in fact, the state superintendent or designee has a non-voting position on the Representative Council – the MHSAA also has maintained its autonomy since its start and even before, as a legislative takeover attempt of the former Michigan Interscholastic Athletic Association led to the MHSAA’s formation in December 1924.
The MHSAA was first incorporated in 1972 and is classified as a 501(c)(3) organization. In the most basic terms, as a non-profit corporation the MHSAA must reinvest all revenue it receives back into its mission of administering school sports. Put another way, whatever money the MHSAA makes must be spent to conduct its tournament events and the several other educational, leadership, etc., programs the MHSAA provides for students, coaches, officials and others who contribute to educational athletics.
… of voluntary membership …
Through their boards of education, member schools voluntarily join the MHSAA each and every year, vowing by formal school board resolution to abide by and enforce the MHSAA’s rules for educational athletics. Membership is optional; schools may conduct a complete program of interscholastic athletics and may participate against MHSAA member schools in regular-season competition without joining the MHSAA. But the great majority of high schools in Michigan approve that membership annually.
… by more than 1,500 public and private senior high schools and junior high/middle schools …
Over the last several years, the MHSAA has counted about 750 high schools and 800 junior high or middle schools, or elementary schools with 6th-grader participation, among its membership. For 2024-25, those totals were 754 high schools, 777 junior high/middle schools and 63 elementary schools with participating sixth graders.
… which exists to develop common rules for athletic eligibility and competition.
This drove the original formation of school sports associations across the nation going back to the late 1800s, including the Michigan State Teachers Association’s first inroad into athletic administration in 1895. The MHSAA Handbook, updated annually with rules and other changes voted upon by the Representative Council, is the rulebook for all MHSAA member schools – public and nonpublic – with rules for general topics like student eligibility but also specific to each sport to regulate scheduling and other intricacies.
No government funds or tax dollars support the MHSAA …
In maintaining that independence noted above, the MHSAA receives no funding from local, state or federal governments. The MHSAA’s income is derived primarily from ticket sales at postseason events, with smaller portions from sponsors and advertising, officials and coaches education registration fees – and again, with all money brought in by the MHSAA going back into those tournament events and programs to support students, athletic directors, coaches and officials.
… which was the first such association nationally to not accept membership dues or tournament entry fees from schools.
These have long been points of pride for the MHSAA; membership remains and has been completely free since the mid-1940s, after the end of World War II, and member schools may enter MHSAA Tournaments for free.
Member schools which enforce these rules are permitted to participate in MHSAA tournaments …
In adopting and upholding MHSAA rules as their own, school districts agree to promote a standard of competitive equity necessary to keep MHSAA Tournament events fair for all involved.
… which attract more than 1.4 million spectators each year.
Over the last 35 years, attendance at MHSAA Tournament events has reached at least 1.1 million spectators annually (not counting the COVID-affected 2019-20 and 2020-21 school years), with a high of 1.68 million during the 2005-06 school year. Attendance during the 2022-23 and 2023-24 school years began climbing again toward 1.5 million spectators, those last two years’ ticket totals ranking among the highest over the last 15.
School sports have a massive footprint in Michigan, which has a population just above 10 million residents. Sure, attendance figures likely count the same spectators several times – the same person might buy tickets for several rounds of several sports over the course of a school year – but a one-to-one comparison using athlete totals also is powerful.
Conservatively, Michigan has at least 160,000 high school athletes. Add in parents of those athletes, grandparents, other relatives with significant interest, and that’s a huge block – let’s say at least 5 percent of the state’s population have some current tie to the athletes playing at the local high school. That’s not even covering athletes at MHSAA junior highs and middle schools, coaches and athletic directors at all levels, and more than 8,000 game officials who make those contests possible. And our groups of athletes are rolling over at least every four years, meaning many tens of thousands more have had at least recent direct contact as participants in our programs.
The MHSAA always has provided opportunities to compete and win championships, but more importantly to learn life lessons gleaned from simply taking part in the process.
This work is important; its impact is significant. And just as our predecessors surely felt beginning this endeavor 100 years ago, we remain eager and enthused to play our part.
Previous "Century of School Sports" Spotlights
June 25: All-Time 'Parade of Champions' - Read
June 17: Top Performers Tell Us What High School Sports Mean to Them - Read
June 10: 'The Mitten' Becomes Sought-After Symbol of MHSAA Greatness - Read
June 3: MHSAA's Move to TV, Now Internet, 60 Years Old & Growing - Read
May 27: Upper Peninsula Helps Make Michigan's School Sports Story Unique - Read
May 20: From Nearly A to Z, Schools Repped by 221 Nicknames - Read
May 13: These Record-Setters were Nearly Impossible to Defeat - Read
May 6: 200+ Representatives Fill All-Time Council Roster - Read
April 29: MHSAA Programs Prioritize Health & Safety - Read
April 23: Patches Signify Registered Officials' Role in MHSAA Story - Read
April 16: Student Advisory Council Gives Voice to Athletes - Read
April 9: State's Storytellers Share Spring Memories - Read
April 2: Sharp Leadership Synonymous with MHSAA Success - Read
March 25: Athletic Directors Indispensable to Mission of School Sports - Read
March 18: 2025 Finals Begin Next Half-Century of Girls Hoops Championships - Read
March 11: Boys Basketball's Best 1st to Earn MHSAA Finals Titles - Read
March 5: Everything We Do Begins with Participation - Read
Feb. 25: Slogans & Logos Remain Unforgettable Parts of MHSAA History - Read
Feb. 19: MHSAA Tickets Continue to Provide Fan-Friendly Value - Read
Feb. 11: We Recognize Those Who Make Our Games Go - Read
Feb. 4: WISL Conference Continues to Inspire Aspiring Leaders - Read
Jan. 28: Michigan's National Impact Begins at NFHS' Start - Read
Jan. 21: Awards Celebrate Well-Rounded Educational Experience - Read
Jan. 14: Predecessors Laid Foundation for MHSAA's Formation - Read
Jan. 9: MHSAA Blazes Trail Into Cyberspace - Read
Dec. 31: State's Storytellers Share Winter Memories - Read
Dec. 17: MHSAA Over Time - Read
Dec. 10: On This Day, December 13, We Will Celebrate - Read
Dec. 3: MHSAA Work Guided by Representative Council - Read
Nov. 26: Finals Provide Future Pros Early Ford Field Glory - Read
Nov. 19: Connection at Heart of Coaches Advancement Program - Read
Nov. 12: Good Sports are Winners Then, Now & Always - Read
Nov. 5: MHSAA's Home Sweet Home - Read
Oct. 29: MHSAA Summits Draw Thousands to Promote Sportsmanship - Read
Oct. 23: Cross Country Finals Among MHSAA's Longest Running - Read
Oct. 15: State's Storytellers Share Fall Memories - Read
Oct. 8: Guided by 4 S's of Educational Athletics - Read
Oct. 1: Michigan Sends 10 to National Hall of Fame - Read
Sept. 25: MHSAA Record Books Filled with 1000s of Achievements - Read
Sept. 18: Why Does the MHSAA Have These Rules? - Read
Sept. 10: Special Medals, Patches to Commemorate Special Year - Read
Sept. 4: Fall to Finish with 50th Football Championships - Read
Aug. 28: Let the Celebration Begin - Read