Strategize for First Parent Meeting

February 25, 2015

By Scott Westfall
MSU Institute for the Study of Youth Sports

Coaches often cite parents as one of the most uncontrollable and frustrating aspects of coaching.

Let’s face it, when this relationship goes south, there can be pent-up frustration and hard feelings between the two parties which can result in a negative experience for everyone involved – especially the player who is often caught in the middle.

Establishing positive relationships with parents should happen from the moment you stand in front of them at your annual parent meeting.

Throughout this meeting, parents will be asking themselves: “Can I trust this coach with my child?” “Will this coach be fair in his/her decisions?” and “Will this coach always have my child’s best intentions in mind?”

In order to put them at ease, you must do everything possible to establish yourself as a person of integrity who is altruistic and 100 percent trustworthy. Below is a coaching checklist that will help you establish trust and credibility with your team’s parents:

Transparency – Do things openly and share information as much as possible. If something bad happens on your team, be sure that you do not sweep it under the rug. Be open and consistent with your decisions, and always follow through on what you say you are going to do.

Demonstrate Respect – Be polite and sincere with parents and let your actions show that you care. Sometimes the little things you do will resonate louder than the big things.

List Expectations – Have high expectations for the conduct of both the players and parents in your program. List these expectations, distribute them, and then talk about them with the parents. Meanwhile, let them know what they can expect from you in return (proper dress attire, appropriate language, great sportsmanship, impeccable conduct, proper treatment of game officials, etc.).

Express Loyalty – As often as possible, be sure to praise your players, assistants, and the people associated with your program. Be sure that you never take credit for other people’s work, and remember to use the word “we” as often as possible.

Be Accountable – This means taking the blame for bad results– even when it wasn’t necessarily your mistake. Admitting when something goes wrong on your watch doesn’t mean that you are a bad coach or you’ve lost control of your program. True leaders are accountable for the mistakes that happen in their programs.

Deliver Results – This is not necessarily wins and losses. Instead, deliver results on the things that really matter, such as developing a respectable team, coaching players with all passing grades and having players who do not get into trouble or break the law.

No parent meeting would be complete without a healthy dose of paperwork. To make it easier for parents to keep these papers organized, try to color-coordinate the forms and go over them slowly one at a time.

Below are the basic documents you should supply at the parent meeting (Note: Try to also have these documents accessible on your team’s website):

Coaching Philosophy – Drafting a coaching philosophy will allow parents to better understand who you are and the reasons you coach. In this document, be sure to include your fundamental beliefs along with your personal approach to coaching. (Note: Be honest in this section – Do not advertise yourself as one type of coach, but then act like another). Include a lot of “I statements” such as, “I coach for the purpose of teaching life lessons,” “I believe that student comes before athlete,” and, “I am demanding but never demeaning.” Developing and drafting a coaching philosophy not only gives parents insight into you and your program, but it also gives you an opportunity to reflect upon why you do things the way you do.

Team Policies – This is perhaps the most important document you will distribute to your team’s parents. It should list all team rules pertaining to player conduct, grades, eligibility, attendance, discipline, communication, and of course playing time! Include statements such as, “Playing time is earned – not given,” “All decisions will be made based on what is best for the team,” and, “If you have a problem, please talk to the coach.” Inform parents that student-athletes will receive equal opportunities but not equal things. These opportunities include instruction, off-season strength and conditioning programs, and support for their classes. How well student-athletes take advantage of these opportunities (attendance, focus, effort, attitude, and self-discipline) often dictates their levels of success. (Note: Before distributing this document, make sure your school’s administration/athletic director supports your team policies 100 percent).

Student-Athlete Character Contract – While many schools have had an athletic code of conduct in place for years, teams today are including an additional written set of norms for players to follow. A character contract outlines how players agree to conduct themselves as a person, student, and athlete. If you want to create more buy-in, consider drafting this contract each season with your players!

Parent Pledge Form – This document establishes the expectations you have for the parents in your program. Be sure that you include expectations for their conduct at games, having a positive disposition around the team, the treatment of players on your team along with the treatment of your opponents, letting the coaches coach, and how to act toward game officials.

Team Calendar – Be sure to include detailed information on the times and locations of all practices, team events, games, and places that players need to be. If changes are made to the team calendar throughout the course of the season, be sure you inform parents through several forms of communication (a printed note sent home, an announcement on the team website, email list, social media, etc.).

Athletic Physicals – While most doctors’ offices have a copy of these blank forms on hand, it is convenient for parents to have access to them through your school.  

Athletic Fees (if you are a “pay for play” district) – Some districts have a mandatory athletic participation fee, while other districts do not. Some districts have a waiver form for students who are on free/reduced lunch. In any of these cases, make sure you are on top of this information so you can properly inform your team’s parents at the meeting.

Conflict Resolution – The occasional conflict is almost inevitable while working in an emotionally charged environment such as athletics. However, conflicts can often be avoided or at least more easily resolved through proper forms of communication.

  • Inform parents that you are always willing to listen to their concerns; let them know that you would prefer they address an issue with you, rather than taking their frustrations to the next game and venting to anybody in the bleachers who is willing to listen.
  • In your team documents consider a statement such as, “The best tool we have in our relationship is an open line of communication. My door is always open and so is my mind.”
  • Finally, be sure to let them know that if they are upset about something to not send it through email. Email is good for information, but not communication. Try to communicate and resolve conflicts in person as much as possible.

Once you have established trust and credibility with your team’s parents, you can start building the relationship. Caution: Building a relationship with your team’s parents is not developing close friendships with them. Becoming close friends with parents actually can lead to bigger problems as you open yourself to criticism of playing favorites. Instead, build working relationships, generated through mutual respect and understanding for each other’s position in the quest of helping the young individual become a successful student-athlete. These working relationships help parents understand their optimal level of involvement, such as where and how they can fit into your program. Below are some tips for building working relationships with parents:

  • Learn their names and where they work.
  • Learn what the family likes to do when they are outside of the school setting.
  • Invite them to a team event such as a team picnic, fundraiser, or team trip.
  • Ask parents for help with certain jobs. Many parents appreciate being asked to help with team functions as it gives them an opportunity to get to know other parents and makes them feel like they matter.
  • Call them at least once per season to say hello, report on their child’s progress, and ask if there is anything you can do to be of assistance.
  • Offer additional support for their child. Helping the student-athlete outside of coaching with things such as academics and typical teen issues shows you care.
  • Offer support to the parents as well. If they are struggling to get a message across to their child, oftentimes a coach sending or reinforcing the same message makes all the difference. As a coach you hold a powerful platform with your student-athletes; use it to help with their development and maturity whenever possible.

Establishing yourself as a trustworthy and credible coach is the first step in getting parents to buy into your program. Meanwhile, providing parents with sufficient information will help them feel like you are keeping them informed and want them as a partner in your program.

Creating working relationships with parents takes time, but will be the cornerstone in establishing a positive experience for the years their children are involved with your program. While some parents may have a different background or mindset, listing your expectations will help them better understand your team’s culture and how they can fit in.

If done right, these positive working relationships should alleviate much of your coaching frustration and pay tremendous dividends in the future.

Scott Westfall has spent the last 10 years as a teacher, coach, and athletic director in Fort Collins, Colo. He currently is working on his Doctorate at Michigan State University, with an emphasis in Sport Psychology and Athletic Administration, and assisting the MHSAA with its student leadership programs. Westfall is a former athlete who participated in football, wrestling, tennis and cross country at the high school level, and rugby at the collegiate level. He can be reached at [email protected].

Century of School Sports: Together, We are the MHSAA

By Geoff Kimmerly
MHSAA.com senior editor

July 9, 2025

A primary mission of the MHSAA’s 100-year anniversary has been to connect today’s athletes, administrators, coaches, game officials and spectators with their roles in the ever-growing story of school sports in Michigan.

Indeed, together, we are the MHSAA.

Over the last 10 months and with today’s 44th and final installment, our “Century of School Sports” series also has sought to tell a deeper and more detailed story of how the MHSAA has arrived at this moment. As our work becomes new with the start of every school year, and with every family experiencing educational athletics for the first time, it’s a story that must always be updated, expanded and retold.

But at the heart of most organizations is a fundamental statement. So to close this celebration, we below break down what is literally the “About” of the MHSAA – as we prepare to build on these values in adding to our story again and again during the century to come.

The MHSAA is a private, not-for-profit corporation …

Although the MHSAA has built a thriving relationship with the Michigan Department of Education over the last many decades – and, in fact, the state superintendent or designee has a non-voting position on the Representative Council – the MHSAA also has maintained its autonomy since its start and even before, as a legislative takeover attempt of the former Michigan Interscholastic Athletic Association led to the MHSAA’s formation in December 1924.

The MHSAA was first incorporated in 1972 and is classified as a 501(c)(3) organization. In the most basic terms, as a non-profit corporation the MHSAA must reinvest all revenue it receives back into its mission of administering school sports. Put another way, whatever money the MHSAA makes must be spent to conduct its tournament events and the several other educational, leadership, etc., programs the MHSAA provides for students, coaches, officials and others who contribute to educational athletics.

… of voluntary membership …

Through their boards of education, member schools voluntarily join the MHSAA each and every year, vowing by formal school board resolution to abide by and enforce the MHSAA’s rules for educational athletics. Membership is optional; schools may conduct a complete program of interscholastic athletics and may participate against MHSAA member schools in regular-season competition without joining the MHSAA. But the great majority of high schools in Michigan approve that membership annually.

… by more than 1,500 public and private senior high schools and junior high/middle schools …

Over the last several years, the MHSAA has counted about 750 high schools and 800 junior high or middle schools, or elementary schools with 6th-grader participation, among its membership. For 2024-25, those totals were 754 high schools, 777 junior high/middle schools and 63 elementary schools with participating sixth graders.

… which exists to develop common rules for athletic eligibility and competition.

This drove the original formation of school sports associations across the nation going back to the late 1800s, including the Michigan State Teachers Association’s first inroad into athletic administration in 1895. The MHSAA Handbook, updated annually with rules and other changes voted upon by the Representative Council, is the rulebook for all MHSAA member schools – public and nonpublic – with rules for general topics like student eligibility but also specific to each sport to regulate scheduling and other intricacies.

No government funds or tax dollars support the MHSAA …

In maintaining that independence noted above, the MHSAA receives no funding from local, state or federal governments. The MHSAA’s income is derived primarily from ticket sales at postseason events, with smaller portions from sponsors and advertising, officials and coaches education registration fees – and again, with all money brought in by the MHSAA going back into those tournament events and programs to support students, athletic directors, coaches and officials.

… which was the first such association nationally to not accept membership dues or tournament entry fees from schools.

These have long been points of pride for the MHSAA; membership remains and has been completely free since the mid-1940s, after the end of World War II, and member schools may enter MHSAA Tournaments for free.

Member schools which enforce these rules are permitted to participate in MHSAA tournaments …

In adopting and upholding MHSAA rules as their own, school districts agree to promote a standard of competitive equity necessary to keep MHSAA Tournament events fair for all involved.

… which attract more than 1.4 million spectators each year.

Over the last 35 years, attendance at MHSAA Tournament events has reached at least 1.1 million spectators annually (not counting the COVID-affected 2019-20 and 2020-21 school years), with a high of 1.68 million during the 2005-06 school year. Attendance during the 2022-23 and 2023-24 school years began climbing again toward 1.5 million spectators, those last two years’ ticket totals ranking among the highest over the last 15.

School sports have a massive footprint in Michigan, which has a population just above 10 million residents. Sure, attendance figures likely count the same spectators several times – the same person might buy tickets for several rounds of several sports over the course of a school year – but a one-to-one comparison using athlete totals also is powerful.

Conservatively, Michigan has at least 160,000 high school athletes. Add in parents of those athletes, grandparents, other relatives with significant interest, and that’s a huge block – let’s say at least 5 percent of the state’s population have some current tie to the athletes playing at the local high school. That’s not even covering athletes at MHSAA junior highs and middle schools, coaches and athletic directors at all levels, and more than 8,000 game officials who make those contests possible. And our groups of athletes are rolling over at least every four years, meaning many tens of thousands more have had at least recent direct contact as participants in our programs.

The MHSAA always has provided opportunities to compete and win championships, but more importantly to learn life lessons gleaned from simply taking part in the process.  

This work is important; its impact is significant. And just as our predecessors surely felt beginning this endeavor 100 years ago, we remain eager and enthused to play our part.

Previous "Century of School Sports" Spotlights

June 25: All-Time 'Parade of Champions' - Read
June 17:
Top Performers Tell Us What High School Sports Mean to Them - Read
June 10:
'The Mitten' Becomes Sought-After Symbol of MHSAA Greatness - Read
June 3:
MHSAA's Move to TV, Now Internet, 60 Years Old & Growing - Read
May 27:
Upper Peninsula Helps Make Michigan's School Sports Story Unique - Read
May 20:
From Nearly A to Z, Schools Repped by 221 Nicknames - Read
May 13:
These Record-Setters were Nearly Impossible to Defeat - Read
May 6:
200+ Representatives Fill All-Time Council Roster - Read
April 29:
MHSAA Programs Prioritize Health & Safety - Read
April 23:
Patches Signify Registered Officials' Role in MHSAA Story - Read
April 16:
Student Advisory Council Gives Voice to Athletes - Read
April 9:
State's Storytellers Share Spring Memories - Read
April 2:
Sharp Leadership Synonymous with MHSAA Success - Read
March 25:
Athletic Directors Indispensable to Mission of School Sports - Read
March 18:
2025 Finals Begin Next Half-Century of Girls Hoops Championships - Read
March 11:
Boys Basketball's Best 1st to Earn MHSAA Finals Titles - Read
March 5:
Everything We Do Begins with Participation - Read
Feb. 25:
Slogans & Logos Remain Unforgettable Parts of MHSAA History - Read
Feb. 19:
MHSAA Tickets Continue to Provide Fan-Friendly Value - Read
Feb. 11:
We Recognize Those Who Make Our Games Go - Read
Feb. 4:
WISL Conference Continues to Inspire Aspiring Leaders - Read
Jan. 28:
Michigan's National Impact Begins at NFHS' Start - Read
Jan. 21:
Awards Celebrate Well-Rounded Educational Experience - Read
Jan. 14:
Predecessors Laid Foundation for MHSAA's Formation - Read
Jan. 9:
MHSAA Blazes Trail Into Cyberspace - Read
Dec. 31: 
State's Storytellers Share Winter Memories - Read
Dec. 17: 
MHSAA Over Time - Read
Dec. 10:
On This Day, December 13, We Will Celebrate - Read
Dec. 3:
MHSAA Work Guided by Representative Council - Read
Nov. 26: 
Finals Provide Future Pros Early Ford Field Glory - Read
Nov. 19:
Connection at Heart of Coaches Advancement Program - Read
Nov. 12:
Good Sports are Winners Then, Now & Always - Read
Nov. 5:
MHSAA's Home Sweet Home - Read
Oct. 29:
MHSAA Summits Draw Thousands to Promote Sportsmanship - Read
Oct. 23:
Cross Country Finals Among MHSAA's Longest Running - Read
Oct. 15:
State's Storytellers Share Fall Memories - Read
Oct. 8:
Guided by 4 S's of Educational Athletics - Read
Oct. 1:
Michigan Sends 10 to National Hall of Fame - Read
Sept. 25: MHSAA Record Books Filled with 1000s of Achievements - Read
Sept. 18:
Why Does the MHSAA Have These Rules? - Read
Sept. 10: 
Special Medals, Patches to Commemorate Special Year - Read
Sept. 4:
Fall to Finish with 50th Football Championships - Read
Aug. 28:
Let the Celebration Begin - Read