Strategize for First Parent Meeting
February 25, 2015
By Scott Westfall
MSU Institute for the Study of Youth Sports
Coaches often cite parents as one of the most uncontrollable and frustrating aspects of coaching.
Let’s face it, when this relationship goes south, there can be pent-up frustration and hard feelings between the two parties which can result in a negative experience for everyone involved – especially the player who is often caught in the middle.
Establishing positive relationships with parents should happen from the moment you stand in front of them at your annual parent meeting.
Throughout this meeting, parents will be asking themselves: “Can I trust this coach with my child?” “Will this coach be fair in his/her decisions?” and “Will this coach always have my child’s best intentions in mind?”
In order to put them at ease, you must do everything possible to establish yourself as a person of integrity who is altruistic and 100 percent trustworthy. Below is a coaching checklist that will help you establish trust and credibility with your team’s parents:
Transparency – Do things openly and share information as much as possible. If something bad happens on your team, be sure that you do not sweep it under the rug. Be open and consistent with your decisions, and always follow through on what you say you are going to do.
Demonstrate Respect – Be polite and sincere with parents and let your actions show that you care. Sometimes the little things you do will resonate louder than the big things.
List Expectations – Have high expectations for the conduct of both the players and parents in your program. List these expectations, distribute them, and then talk about them with the parents. Meanwhile, let them know what they can expect from you in return (proper dress attire, appropriate language, great sportsmanship, impeccable conduct, proper treatment of game officials, etc.).
Express Loyalty – As often as possible, be sure to praise your players, assistants, and the people associated with your program. Be sure that you never take credit for other people’s work, and remember to use the word “we” as often as possible.
Be Accountable – This means taking the blame for bad results– even when it wasn’t necessarily your mistake. Admitting when something goes wrong on your watch doesn’t mean that you are a bad coach or you’ve lost control of your program. True leaders are accountable for the mistakes that happen in their programs.
Deliver Results – This is not necessarily wins and losses. Instead, deliver results on the things that really matter, such as developing a respectable team, coaching players with all passing grades and having players who do not get into trouble or break the law.
No parent meeting would be complete without a healthy dose of paperwork. To make it easier for parents to keep these papers organized, try to color-coordinate the forms and go over them slowly one at a time.
Below are the basic documents you should supply at the parent meeting (Note: Try to also have these documents accessible on your team’s website):
Coaching Philosophy – Drafting a coaching philosophy will allow parents to better understand who you are and the reasons you coach. In this document, be sure to include your fundamental beliefs along with your personal approach to coaching. (Note: Be honest in this section – Do not advertise yourself as one type of coach, but then act like another). Include a lot of “I statements” such as, “I coach for the purpose of teaching life lessons,” “I believe that student comes before athlete,” and, “I am demanding but never demeaning.” Developing and drafting a coaching philosophy not only gives parents insight into you and your program, but it also gives you an opportunity to reflect upon why you do things the way you do.
Team Policies – This is perhaps the most important document you will distribute to your team’s parents. It should list all team rules pertaining to player conduct, grades, eligibility, attendance, discipline, communication, and of course playing time! Include statements such as, “Playing time is earned – not given,” “All decisions will be made based on what is best for the team,” and, “If you have a problem, please talk to the coach.” Inform parents that student-athletes will receive equal opportunities but not equal things. These opportunities include instruction, off-season strength and conditioning programs, and support for their classes. How well student-athletes take advantage of these opportunities (attendance, focus, effort, attitude, and self-discipline) often dictates their levels of success. (Note: Before distributing this document, make sure your school’s administration/athletic director supports your team policies 100 percent).
Student-Athlete Character Contract – While many schools have had an athletic code of conduct in place for years, teams today are including an additional written set of norms for players to follow. A character contract outlines how players agree to conduct themselves as a person, student, and athlete. If you want to create more buy-in, consider drafting this contract each season with your players!
Parent Pledge Form – This document establishes the expectations you have for the parents in your program. Be sure that you include expectations for their conduct at games, having a positive disposition around the team, the treatment of players on your team along with the treatment of your opponents, letting the coaches coach, and how to act toward game officials.
Team Calendar – Be sure to include detailed information on the times and locations of all practices, team events, games, and places that players need to be. If changes are made to the team calendar throughout the course of the season, be sure you inform parents through several forms of communication (a printed note sent home, an announcement on the team website, email list, social media, etc.).
Athletic Physicals – While most doctors’ offices have a copy of these blank forms on hand, it is convenient for parents to have access to them through your school.
Athletic Fees (if you are a “pay for play” district) – Some districts have a mandatory athletic participation fee, while other districts do not. Some districts have a waiver form for students who are on free/reduced lunch. In any of these cases, make sure you are on top of this information so you can properly inform your team’s parents at the meeting.
Conflict Resolution – The occasional conflict is almost inevitable while working in an emotionally charged environment such as athletics. However, conflicts can often be avoided or at least more easily resolved through proper forms of communication.
- Inform parents that you are always willing to listen to their concerns; let them know that you would prefer they address an issue with you, rather than taking their frustrations to the next game and venting to anybody in the bleachers who is willing to listen.
- In your team documents consider a statement such as, “The best tool we have in our relationship is an open line of communication. My door is always open and so is my mind.”
- Finally, be sure to let them know that if they are upset about something to not send it through email. Email is good for information, but not communication. Try to communicate and resolve conflicts in person as much as possible.
Once you have established trust and credibility with your team’s parents, you can start building the relationship. Caution: Building a relationship with your team’s parents is not developing close friendships with them. Becoming close friends with parents actually can lead to bigger problems as you open yourself to criticism of playing favorites. Instead, build working relationships, generated through mutual respect and understanding for each other’s position in the quest of helping the young individual become a successful student-athlete. These working relationships help parents understand their optimal level of involvement, such as where and how they can fit into your program. Below are some tips for building working relationships with parents:
- Learn their names and where they work.
- Learn what the family likes to do when they are outside of the school setting.
- Invite them to a team event such as a team picnic, fundraiser, or team trip.
- Ask parents for help with certain jobs. Many parents appreciate being asked to help with team functions as it gives them an opportunity to get to know other parents and makes them feel like they matter.
- Call them at least once per season to say hello, report on their child’s progress, and ask if there is anything you can do to be of assistance.
- Offer additional support for their child. Helping the student-athlete outside of coaching with things such as academics and typical teen issues shows you care.
- Offer support to the parents as well. If they are struggling to get a message across to their child, oftentimes a coach sending or reinforcing the same message makes all the difference. As a coach you hold a powerful platform with your student-athletes; use it to help with their development and maturity whenever possible.
Establishing yourself as a trustworthy and credible coach is the first step in getting parents to buy into your program. Meanwhile, providing parents with sufficient information will help them feel like you are keeping them informed and want them as a partner in your program.
Creating working relationships with parents takes time, but will be the cornerstone in establishing a positive experience for the years their children are involved with your program. While some parents may have a different background or mindset, listing your expectations will help them better understand your team’s culture and how they can fit in.
If done right, these positive working relationships should alleviate much of your coaching frustration and pay tremendous dividends in the future.
Scott Westfall has spent the last 10 years as a teacher, coach, and athletic director in Fort Collins, Colo. He currently is working on his Doctorate at Michigan State University, with an emphasis in Sport Psychology and Athletic Administration, and assisting the MHSAA with its student leadership programs. Westfall is a former athlete who participated in football, wrestling, tennis and cross country at the high school level, and rugby at the collegiate level. He can be reached at [email protected].
Century of School Sports: Sharp Leadership Synonymous with MHSAA's Success
By
Geoff Kimmerly
MHSAA.com senior editor
April 2, 2025
Just as an organization often will rise and remain successful when there is consistent leadership, so is consistent leadership often a hallmark of a successful organization.
In celebrating a “Century of School Sports,” it’s no stretch to say the Michigan High School Athletic Association has been successful in its continued promotion and administration of educational athletics thanks in part to consistent excellent leadership in the form of only five fulltime executive directors, and two more directors who also took turns leading the organization through some of its most difficult moments.
Two of the MHSAA’s first four executive directors (who are retired, and therefore eligible for the honor) have been inducted into the National High School Hall of Fame by the National Federation of State High School Associations (NFHS). The first fulltime director – Charles E. Forsythe – became Michigan’s first Hall of Fame selection in 1983. The most recently-retired executive director – Jack Roberts – was selected in 2022.
All five executive directors have had monumental impacts on the direction of school sports in Michigan, not just during their time leading the MHSAA but in their various roles leading up to their service at the top of the organization. The below summaries do not come close to stating their full contributions, but merely some of the highlights for which they are most remembered:
Charles E. Forsythe (1931-42, 1945-68)
The MHSAA’s first fulltime executive director literally wrote the book on leadership of school sports programs – “The Administration of High School Athletics” was first published in 1939 and in five more editions as it became a popular college-level textbook. Previously an accomplished athlete, coach, official and athletic director, Forsythe joined the MHSAA staff in 1929 as an assistant director – and during his long tenure leading the office, school sports became part of the lifeblood of communities large and small all over the state. High school membership increased under his leadership, from 600 to 750 schools, and attendance for the MHSAA Boys Basketball Tournament – the headlining high school event of the day – increased from 126,000 for all rounds in 1930 to more than 775,000 at the time of his retirement. While advances were made in football and boys basketball, and in less-visible sports as well – all driving increased participation – the most notable work under Forsythe’s leadership made sports safer for all participants. Many of the most publicized safety initiatives came in football – including significant equipment requirements – but under his leadership the MHSAA in 1940-41 became just the second state nationally to add an accident benefit plan for participants. Forsythe died unexpectedly in December 1968, only a few months after his retirement. He is the namesake for the MHSAA’s annual lifetime achievement award.
Allen W. Bush (1968-78)
The MHSAA’s second fulltime executive director is the namesake for annual awards presented to contributors to school sports whose accomplishments are often behind the scenes and outside of the attention paid to championships and other high achievements. But Bush’s most-known accomplishments have received some of the greatest attention in MHSAA history, and deservedly so. During his tenure, the MHSAA added its first nine championship tournaments in girls sports, created the Football Playoffs and also began awarding Finals championships in baseball, ice hockey and skiing. Bush joined the MHSAA staff in 1960, serving under Forsythe as an assistant and then associate director.
Vern L. Norris (1978-86)
Norris, who died in 2018 at the age of 89, was known especially for his work with coaches and officials. He had coached at three high schools and was a tremendous official himself, having refereed the 1963 Class A Boys Basketball Final. The MHSAA’s annual Vern L. Norris Award honors an official who has been especially active in mentoring and training officials. Norris joined the MHSAA in 1963 and served under both Forsythe and Bush – the latter as associate director – also playing key roles in the creation of girls sports championships during the 1970s and expansion of those opportunities during the 1980s. He also played a significant role in rules-making nationally, contributing on several NFHS committees, and after leaving the MHSAA served as commissioner of the Great Lakes Intercollegiate Athletic Conference.
John E. “Jack” Roberts (1986-2018)
At the time of Roberts’ retirement, he was the nation’s longest-serving executive director – and with accomplishments in his state and nationally that were arguably unmatched. Under his leadership, the MHSAA grew more than 15 percent to more than 1,500 high schools and junior high/middle schools, and the state’s high school sports participation grew 10 percent and annually ranked higher than states with larger high school-aged populations. The MHSAA again became a national leader in health and safety, setting the pace in concussion care, heat management and CPR certification requirements and policies. The MHSAA also took national leads in coaches education and sportsmanship. Three girls sports and two boys sports were added to the tournament lineup during his tenure, as were 8-player football playoffs and an expansion of the 11-player tournament. Roberts had grown up studying the example of his father John, who served as executive director of the Wisconsin Interscholastic Athletic Association for 29 years, and Jack Roberts also served at the NFHS and Fellowship of Christian Athletes before taking over the MHSAA. Few have given their voice to school sports more prevalently: At the time of his retirement, Roberts had spoken in support of educational athletics in nearly every state and five Canadian providences.
Mark Uyl (2018-)
While his tenure as executive director has not yet reached a decade, Uyl already has steered the MHSAA through one of its most challenging times – the COVID-19 pandemic, which led to the cancelation of the end of the Winter 2019-20 season and all sports the ensuing spring. However, under Uyl’s direction – and while other states remained sidelined – MHSAA schools safely returned to activity during the fall of 2020-21, and despite delays completed their championship events for all three seasons that school year. Also a highly-respected game official on a national scale – and past coach and administrator in Michigan – Uyl joined the MHSAA staff in 2004 and has led the way as participation and officials registrations both have continued to rebound from significant decreases during COVID. His tenure also has seen the addition of an Individual Finals division for girls wrestling and the addition of girls field hockey and boys volleyball set for the 2025-26 school year.
Additional notes of recognition must be paid to two more leaders whose contributions came at some of the most delicate times over this successful century:
Julian W. Smith served as interim executive director while Forsythe served in the U.S. Navy during World War II. Smith – who had served on the MHSAA Representative Council for 10 years – received a three-year leave of absence from his role as principal at Battle Creek Lakeview High School and led the MHSAA through an unpredictable wartime era that included the cancelation of statewide championship events in boys basketball and track & field in 1943, but also their return a year later. He continued the promotion of physical fitness that was emphasized as a mission of school sports especially in preparation for service in the military, and during his time as executive director was named to the National Council of Physical Fitness.
Then there is Alden W. “Tommy” Thompson, perhaps the most influential yet forgotten leader in MHSAA history. Thompson had served on the Board of Control for the MHSAA’s predecessor organization, the Michigan Interscholastic Athletic Association (MIAA) and was then appointed as the first state director of interscholastic athletics, under supervision of the state superintendent and Michigan Department of Public Instruction, about three weeks before the official start of the MHSAA in December 1924.
Charles Forsythe credited Thompson with building the MHSAA “from scratch,” and legendary Lansing State Journal sports editor George Alderton praised Thompson for developing “an eligibility code that was positively fool proof,” classifying schools by enrollment to provide equal opportunities for small and large to win championships, organizing the state basketball tournament to make it financially beneficial to schools which in turn allowed them to spend to develop other sports, and giving a statewide stage to some of those less-visible sports including cross country, tennis and golf. Alderton wrote, “Tommy was the fellow who paved the way, ironed out the humps and gave the machine a push before the motor of popular interest began running.”
Forsythe served as Thompson’s assistant for two years before taking over as state director of athletics in 1931 as Thompson became the state director of physical and health education. However, both would lose their employment with the state’s department of public instruction in 1933 due to budgetary cuts – Thompson, to go on to several more pursuits in athletics, but Forsythe to remain as state director of athletics but now paid fully by the MHSAA, making him officially the association’s first fulltime executive director.
Previous "Century of School Sports" Spotlights
March 25: Athletic Directors Indispensable to Mission of School Sports - Read
March 18: 2025 Finals Begin Next Half-Century of Girls Hoops Championships - Read
March 11: Boys Basketball's Best 1st to Earn MHSAA Finals Titles - Read
March 5: Everything We Do Begins with Participation - Read
Feb. 25: Slogans & Logos Remain Unforgettable Parts of MHSAA History - Read
Feb. 19: MHSAA Tickets Continue to Provide Fan-Friendly Value - Read
Feb. 11: We Recognize Those Who Make Our Games Go - Read
Feb. 4: WISL Conference Continues to Inspire Aspiring Leaders - Read
Jan. 28: Michigan's National Impact Begins at NFHS' Start - Read
Jan. 21: Awards Celebrate Well-Rounded Educational Experience - Read
Jan. 14: Predecessors Laid Foundation for MHSAA's Formation - Read
Jan. 9: MHSAA Blazes Trail Into Cyberspace - Read
Dec. 31: State's Storytellers Share Winter Memories - Read
Dec. 17: MHSAA Over Time - Read
Dec. 10: On This Day, December 13, We Will Celebrate - Read
Dec. 3: MHSAA Work Guided by Representative Council - Read
Nov. 26: Finals Provide Future Pros Early Ford Field Glory - Read
Nov. 19: Connection at Heart of Coaches Advancement Program - Read
Nov. 12: Good Sports are Winners Then, Now & Always - Read
Nov. 5: MHSAA's Home Sweet Home - Read
Oct. 29: MHSAA Summits Draw Thousands to Promote Sportsmanship - Read
Oct. 23: Cross Country Finals Among MHSAA's Longest Running - Read
Oct. 15: State's Storytellers Share Fall Memories - Read
Oct. 8: Guided by 4 S's of Educational Athletics - Read
Oct. 1: Michigan Sends 10 to National Hall of Fame - Read
Sept. 25: MHSAA Record Books Filled with 1000s of Achievements - Read
Sept. 18: Why Does the MHSAA Have These Rules? - Read
Sept. 10: Special Medals, Patches to Commemorate Special Year - Read
Sept. 4: Fall to Finish with 50th Football Championships - Read
Aug. 28: Let the Celebration Begin - Read
PHOTOS Clockwise from top left: (1) Left to right, Al Bush, Charles Forsythe and Vern Norris take a photo together. (2) Norris, left, and Bush hold up Finals trophies. (3) Jack Roberts, left, stands with Mark Uyl during Roberts' induction into the National High School Hall of Fame. (4) Roberts, left, and Norris sit for a photo as Roberts began his tenure after Norris retired. (MHSAA file photos.)