After the Game: What do you say?
April 20, 2017
By Kevin Wolma
Hudsonville Athletic Director
“I love to watch you play.” Those are the six words a son or daughter wants to hear from his or her parents after a game.
What if your child does not play? What do you say then? Parents can’t say, “I love to watch you play” when your child does not play, nor can they say other post-competition statements like:
“Did you fight like a dog?”
“Did you have fun?”
It is hard to fight like a dog when not given the opportunity, and we all know players have more fun when they play in the game. When you google the phrase, “what to say after a game,” there are all sorts of articles written with some of them backed by research. However, when you google the phrase – “what to say when your kid does not play” – very little comes out of that search.
Why?
This is a hard and very sensitive area for most parents to come up with the right thing to say.
Before we talk about what to say in this situation, it may be more important to discuss what not to say after a game where your child does not play. Some of the comments all parents should avoid are:
“Why have you not played in the last three games? Your coach must not like you for some reason.”
“Your coach is clueless; he has no idea what he is doing.”
“You are way better than Johnny! I can’t believe he is playing more minutes than you.”
“Did you see how many mistakes Suzie made? I know if you were given the opportunity you would not make those same mistakes.”
Parents will often say these things because they are frustrated, and parents think they are comforting their child by giving them an excuse. What these comments actually do is create a divisive culture within a team. After hearing these negative comments over and over again, the athlete will eventually believe it only to see his or her attitude and effort become negatively affected over time. That athlete turns into a selfish teammate.
Now let’s put yourself in the situation where your child comes home after a game after not playing. What do you say?
The first thing you could do is talk about the game itself. Recount certain plays and make note of individuals who played well for both teams. This initial conversation takes the uncomfortable nature of the situation and sets the stage to talk about how athletes feel about not getting into the game.
There may be times when your child will not want to talk about it because he or she is upset, angry or even embarrassed. These moments of silence give the parents an opportunity to talk about the importance of being a good teammate and how an athlete can have a major impact on the team no matter what role is played. They can teach how to be the first person off the bench to congratulate or give a word of encouragement to teammates. Parents also can point out that the harder athletes work in practice, the better it is going to make the team.
In other words, we have the responsibility as parents to teach our kids the significance of living life pointed out no matter the circumstance. Living pointed out simply means to put others before yourself in everything you do. Finding ways to make the people around you the best they can be. No complaining. No excuses.
Andrew DeWitt played two years of Varsity basketball for me at Hudsonville, and he rarely had the opportunity to play. Unfortunately for him, he was a good player on two really good teams with lots of talent. He understood his role and treated practices like games – playing as hard as he could.
He would elevate the intensity of practice every day. On game nights, he was our biggest cheerleader. His impact went way beyond scoring points or getting rebounds.
Andrew’s parents were great teachers as they guided him through those tough times where it would have been easy to make an excuse or complain. Instead, they taught Andrew he could always have an influence on other people’s lives despite the role he played. What a great lesson that Andrew can carry with him for the rest of his life.
At the end of the day, one thing every parent in every situation can say that will have a positive impact is, “I love you.” Many times athletes think they are letting their parents down because of their lack of playing time. Knowing that their parents love them the same whether they play a lot or not at all has a significant impact on how the student-athlete responds to adversity, and specifically not playing in games.
I challenge all parents to use these potentially negative situations as a way to teach student-athletes valuable lessons on what it means to be a great teammate – and more importantly in teaching them to live their life pointed out. There may not be a simple six-word phrase to say when your child does not play, but there is definitely plenty to talk about.
Wolma has served as Hudsonville's athletic director since 2011 and previously coached boys varsity basketball and girls varsity golf among other teams. He also previously taught physical education and health.
NFHS Hall of Famers: Multi-Sport Experience Makes Major Difference
By
The NFHS Voice
National Federation of State High School Associations
July 28, 2026
The theory that athletes in high school need to specialize in one sport in an out-of-school program to progress to the next level was not the theme from the five athletes inducted into the National High School Hall of Fame last month in Salt Lake City, Utah.
At a press conference preceding the 43rd Hall of Fame induction ceremony, five former extraordinary high school athletes – all of whom later excelled at the college, professional and for a few Olympic levels – delivered resounding messages about the importance of playing multiple sports within school-based programs.
Joe Carter, who was a four-sport standout in football, basketball, baseball and track at Millwood High School in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, long before his stellar pro baseball career, said he might never have been a successful pro baseball player without his multiple sport career at Millwood.
“If I had played baseball all year long, I wouldn’t have been a professional baseball player because I would have burned out,” Carter said. “Coaches will tell you that if you don’t come out for football in the spring instead of playing another sport, you will be passed up. This is not the case because if you’re good they will find you. I will take an athlete who played two or three sports over an athlete who just played one sport because those guys know how to take advantage of a situation and know how to adjust.”
Jordan Larson, a three-sport participant at Logan View High School in Hooper, Nebraska, before settling into volleyball and leading the University of Nebraska to an NCAA championship and playing in four consecutive Olympics, also pointed to multiple sports as a reason for success.
“I can’t emphasize it enough – playing multiple sports helped me personally,” Larson said. “It helped me adapt and adjust as I got older. I can’t recommend it enough from a young age.
“Playing multiple sports helped shape me health-wise from a longevity standpoint. There’s something to be said for the mind. If you’re on the grind in the same sport, burnout will come.”
Another volleyball standout in the 2026 class was Alisha Glass Childress, who also played basketball at Leland (Michigan) High School and who would later lead Penn State University to three consecutive NCAA volleyball titles and team with Larson on the U.S. squad at the 2016 Olympics in Brazil.
“Playing for your high school team is so important – it’s such a different experience,” Childress said. “Being in the same program for four years and getting to know the athletes you’re with, I felt like it was family.
“High school was a beautiful time and the beginning of a love affair with sports. I fell in love with the sport of volleyball but also tried a lot of different sports. I played basketball as well. For me, high school is when you start to have an understanding of yourself – reflecting on who you want to be or what you want to achieve.
“The life lessons you learn along the way are so important. The majority of the athletes on our team did not continue on to play past high school. The life lessons you learn as a high school athlete – being a leader, accountability, goal-setting – carry with you the rest of your life.”
Patrick Willis was one of Tennessee’s top two-way football players at Hollow Rock-Bruceton Central High School who also played basketball and baseball before his hall of fame football career with the San Francisco 49ers.
“Coming from a small town with two red lights, I would say the most fun I had growing up was playing sports,” Willis said. “Life can throw a lot of things at you, and to be able to adjust is amazing. In sports, we’re able to learn these things – the discipline, the toughness, the perseverance. I wanted to be a representative that anything is possible, and it’s not just the ones from the big cities or towns, but ones from small towns also.”
Another proponent of playing multiple sports was Krissy Wendell Pohl, the most dominant player in girls ice hockey in Minnesota history and the national record-holder in goals scored in a season who went to a stellar career at the University of Minnesota and won a silver medal at the 2002 Olympics. In addition to her excellence in ice hockey, Wendell Pohl also played tennis, baseball and softball.
“It was so special for me to be able to play multiple sports,” said Wendell Pohl. “For me, playing baseball, softball and hockey, you had different groups of friends, different roles on different teams, and all of that had an impact and you don’t realize it until later.
“High school is the purest form of sport. What you learn in high school, as you’re learning and growing and developing, those things stay with you. The people who impact you in high school – you will never forget that.”
We urge coaches today to take the message from these five outstanding athletes about playing multiple sports to heart and make that option available to athletes in their schools.
These vital programs help to shape young student-athletes into successful parents, citizens and leaders of our nation for years to come.