After the Game: What do you say?
April 20, 2017
By Kevin Wolma
Hudsonville Athletic Director
“I love to watch you play.” Those are the six words a son or daughter wants to hear from his or her parents after a game.
What if your child does not play? What do you say then? Parents can’t say, “I love to watch you play” when your child does not play, nor can they say other post-competition statements like:
“Did you fight like a dog?”
“Did you have fun?”
It is hard to fight like a dog when not given the opportunity, and we all know players have more fun when they play in the game. When you google the phrase, “what to say after a game,” there are all sorts of articles written with some of them backed by research. However, when you google the phrase – “what to say when your kid does not play” – very little comes out of that search.
Why?
This is a hard and very sensitive area for most parents to come up with the right thing to say.
Before we talk about what to say in this situation, it may be more important to discuss what not to say after a game where your child does not play. Some of the comments all parents should avoid are:
“Why have you not played in the last three games? Your coach must not like you for some reason.”
“Your coach is clueless; he has no idea what he is doing.”
“You are way better than Johnny! I can’t believe he is playing more minutes than you.”
“Did you see how many mistakes Suzie made? I know if you were given the opportunity you would not make those same mistakes.”
Parents will often say these things because they are frustrated, and parents think they are comforting their child by giving them an excuse. What these comments actually do is create a divisive culture within a team. After hearing these negative comments over and over again, the athlete will eventually believe it only to see his or her attitude and effort become negatively affected over time. That athlete turns into a selfish teammate.
Now let’s put yourself in the situation where your child comes home after a game after not playing. What do you say?
The first thing you could do is talk about the game itself. Recount certain plays and make note of individuals who played well for both teams. This initial conversation takes the uncomfortable nature of the situation and sets the stage to talk about how athletes feel about not getting into the game.
There may be times when your child will not want to talk about it because he or she is upset, angry or even embarrassed. These moments of silence give the parents an opportunity to talk about the importance of being a good teammate and how an athlete can have a major impact on the team no matter what role is played. They can teach how to be the first person off the bench to congratulate or give a word of encouragement to teammates. Parents also can point out that the harder athletes work in practice, the better it is going to make the team.
In other words, we have the responsibility as parents to teach our kids the significance of living life pointed out no matter the circumstance. Living pointed out simply means to put others before yourself in everything you do. Finding ways to make the people around you the best they can be. No complaining. No excuses.
Andrew DeWitt played two years of Varsity basketball for me at Hudsonville, and he rarely had the opportunity to play. Unfortunately for him, he was a good player on two really good teams with lots of talent. He understood his role and treated practices like games – playing as hard as he could.
He would elevate the intensity of practice every day. On game nights, he was our biggest cheerleader. His impact went way beyond scoring points or getting rebounds.
Andrew’s parents were great teachers as they guided him through those tough times where it would have been easy to make an excuse or complain. Instead, they taught Andrew he could always have an influence on other people’s lives despite the role he played. What a great lesson that Andrew can carry with him for the rest of his life.
At the end of the day, one thing every parent in every situation can say that will have a positive impact is, “I love you.” Many times athletes think they are letting their parents down because of their lack of playing time. Knowing that their parents love them the same whether they play a lot or not at all has a significant impact on how the student-athlete responds to adversity, and specifically not playing in games.
I challenge all parents to use these potentially negative situations as a way to teach student-athletes valuable lessons on what it means to be a great teammate – and more importantly in teaching them to live their life pointed out. There may not be a simple six-word phrase to say when your child does not play, but there is definitely plenty to talk about.
Wolma has served as Hudsonville's athletic director since 2011 and previously coached boys varsity basketball and girls varsity golf among other teams. He also previously taught physical education and health.
Century of School Sports: Everything We Do Begins with Participation
By
Geoff Kimmerly
MHSAA.com senior editor
March 5, 2025
For 100 years the MHSAA and its member schools have trumpeted the many benefits of educational athletics. The list of positive reasons to play has only grown.
But every idea and effort to make school sports excellent starts with one underlying theme that has served as a primary motivation from the beginning:
Participation.
The MHSAA long has been driven by a desire to see as many students participate in sports as possible, within a framework of rules that intentionally makes that opportunity so valuable that playing for the school team becomes the dream for thousands of kids all over our state.
And MHSAA member schools have a long history of succeeding at that mission.
A few comparisons and a decent share of context are necessary to explain how. We will dive into some numbers, but these two points sum up the story:
The total number of high school students in Michigan has been shrinking annually over several years – high-school aged population in this state is down 21 percent since 2006-07. But the numbers of students playing sports at MHSAA schools has grown three straight years and has declined by only 13.5 percent over the same stretch of time.
Michigan participation in high school sports annually outpaces where it ranked nationally in high school-aged population. We may have fewer students than some states, but more of them are playing more sports for their schools.
How do we know all this?
Every spring since 1971, the MHSAA has reported how many athletes from member schools participate – by sport – as part of a survey from the National Federation of State High School Associations (NFHS). Those numbers are crunched by the NFHS for all 50 states and Washington, D.C., and over the last several years the MHSAA has taken that data and then compared how Michigan participation stacks up to state populations of people aged 14-17.
(The NFHS collects data on all school sports, whether they receive state association sponsorship or not. Participants also are counted once for every sport they participate in, so two-sport athletes are counted twice, three-sport athletes are counted three times, etc.).
For this narrative’s sake, let’s start with the 1977-78 school. By then, several girls sports had begun to receive MHSAA sponsorship and also had a few years to get established and grow. For that school year, the MHSAA reported 242,616 participants. Just under a decade later, for 1985-86, that total had grown to 265,227 (and a few more girls sports had been added), and those totals continued to rise during the 1990s reaching 295,858 in 2000-01.
A key high point came in 2006-07, when the MHSAA reported 320,479 total participants in all sports at member schools including 313,093 in MHSAA-sponsored sports. The grand totals then shifted downward slowly once again – but in proportion to falling student enrollment at MHSAA member schools, which has dropped nearly 113,000 students (21 percent) since that notable year. It’s also fair to make an educated guess – because students are counted once for every sport played – that a trend toward sport specialization also affected those numbers to some degree.
Fast forward to today. For the 2023-24 school year, there were 270,664 participants in MHSAA sports, plus another 19,920 in sports not sponsored by the association (weight lifting, etc.). So while Michigan hasn’t approached 300,000 participants in more than a decade, the total for MHSAA sports this past year was only 13.5 percent fewer than that 2006-07 season – again, compared to 21-percent fewer students at those schools. And the even better news? Participation has increased three straight years coming out of the COVID-19 pandemic.
Another telling comparison is how Michigan participation continues to compare nationally.
Going back to at least the 2012-13 school year – not counting 2019-20 and 2020-21, when the NFHS survey was suspended because of COVID-19’s effect on school sports – Michigan consistently has ranked either seventh or eighth in participation nationally, falling past that ranking only once to ninth. For 2023-24, Michigan ranked eighth for participation.
Meanwhile, Michigan ranked ninth nationally for high school-aged population from 2012-13 through 2015-16 before sliding into its current 10th spot on that list. So for this past school year, participation at MHSAA member schools ranked two spots ahead of its ranking for high school-aged population.
The first step to receiving the benefits of school sports is getting out there and playing them. And Michigan high schoolers are continuing to do so – both at rates that compare well historically over the last 50 years, and compared to states across the country of similar sizes. This has long been a point of MHSAA pride, and will continue to be a primary focus of its work.
Previous "Century of School Sports" Spotlights
Feb. 25: Slogans & Logos Remain Unforgettable Parts of MHSAA History - Read
Feb. 19: MHSAA Tickets Continue to Provide Fan-Friendly Value - Read
Feb. 11: We Recognize Those Who Make Our Games Go - Read
Feb. 4: WISL Conference Continues to Inspire Aspiring Leaders - Read
Jan. 28: Michigan's National Impact Begins at NFHS' Start - Read
Jan. 21: Awards Celebrate Well-Rounded Educational Experience - Read
Jan. 14: Predecessors Laid Foundation for MHSAA's Formation - Read
Jan. 9: MHSAA Blazes Trail Into Cyberspace - Read
Dec. 31: State's Storytellers Share Winter Memories - Read
Dec. 17: MHSAA Over Time - Read
Dec. 10: On This Day, December 13, We Will Celebrate - Read
Dec. 3: MHSAA Work Guided by Representative Council - Read
Nov. 26: Finals Provide Future Pros Early Ford Field Glory - Read
Nov. 19: Connection at Heart of Coaches Advancement Program - Read
Nov. 12: Good Sports are Winners Then, Now & Always - Read
Nov. 5: MHSAA's Home Sweet Home - Read
Oct. 29: MHSAA Summits Draw Thousands to Promote Sportsmanship - Read
Oct. 23: Cross Country Finals Among MHSAA's Longest Running - Read
Oct. 15: State's Storytellers Share Fall Memories - Read
Oct. 8: Guided by 4 S's of Educational Athletics - Read
Oct. 1: Michigan Sends 10 to National Hall of Fame - Read
Sept. 25: MHSAA Record Books Filled with 1000s of Achievements - Read
Sept. 18: Why Does the MHSAA Have These Rules? - Read
Sept. 10: Special Medals, Patches to Commemorate Special Year - Read
Sept. 4: Fall to Finish with 50th Football Championships - Read
Aug. 28: Let the Celebration Begin - Read