After the Game: What do you say?
April 20, 2017
By Kevin Wolma
Hudsonville Athletic Director
“I love to watch you play.” Those are the six words a son or daughter wants to hear from his or her parents after a game.
What if your child does not play? What do you say then? Parents can’t say, “I love to watch you play” when your child does not play, nor can they say other post-competition statements like:
“Did you fight like a dog?”
“Did you have fun?”
It is hard to fight like a dog when not given the opportunity, and we all know players have more fun when they play in the game. When you google the phrase, “what to say after a game,” there are all sorts of articles written with some of them backed by research. However, when you google the phrase – “what to say when your kid does not play” – very little comes out of that search.
Why?
This is a hard and very sensitive area for most parents to come up with the right thing to say.
Before we talk about what to say in this situation, it may be more important to discuss what not to say after a game where your child does not play. Some of the comments all parents should avoid are:
“Why have you not played in the last three games? Your coach must not like you for some reason.”
“Your coach is clueless; he has no idea what he is doing.”
“You are way better than Johnny! I can’t believe he is playing more minutes than you.”
“Did you see how many mistakes Suzie made? I know if you were given the opportunity you would not make those same mistakes.”
Parents will often say these things because they are frustrated, and parents think they are comforting their child by giving them an excuse. What these comments actually do is create a divisive culture within a team. After hearing these negative comments over and over again, the athlete will eventually believe it only to see his or her attitude and effort become negatively affected over time. That athlete turns into a selfish teammate.
Now let’s put yourself in the situation where your child comes home after a game after not playing. What do you say?
The first thing you could do is talk about the game itself. Recount certain plays and make note of individuals who played well for both teams. This initial conversation takes the uncomfortable nature of the situation and sets the stage to talk about how athletes feel about not getting into the game.
There may be times when your child will not want to talk about it because he or she is upset, angry or even embarrassed. These moments of silence give the parents an opportunity to talk about the importance of being a good teammate and how an athlete can have a major impact on the team no matter what role is played. They can teach how to be the first person off the bench to congratulate or give a word of encouragement to teammates. Parents also can point out that the harder athletes work in practice, the better it is going to make the team.
In other words, we have the responsibility as parents to teach our kids the significance of living life pointed out no matter the circumstance. Living pointed out simply means to put others before yourself in everything you do. Finding ways to make the people around you the best they can be. No complaining. No excuses.
Andrew DeWitt played two years of Varsity basketball for me at Hudsonville, and he rarely had the opportunity to play. Unfortunately for him, he was a good player on two really good teams with lots of talent. He understood his role and treated practices like games – playing as hard as he could.
He would elevate the intensity of practice every day. On game nights, he was our biggest cheerleader. His impact went way beyond scoring points or getting rebounds.
Andrew’s parents were great teachers as they guided him through those tough times where it would have been easy to make an excuse or complain. Instead, they taught Andrew he could always have an influence on other people’s lives despite the role he played. What a great lesson that Andrew can carry with him for the rest of his life.
At the end of the day, one thing every parent in every situation can say that will have a positive impact is, “I love you.” Many times athletes think they are letting their parents down because of their lack of playing time. Knowing that their parents love them the same whether they play a lot or not at all has a significant impact on how the student-athlete responds to adversity, and specifically not playing in games.
I challenge all parents to use these potentially negative situations as a way to teach student-athletes valuable lessons on what it means to be a great teammate – and more importantly in teaching them to live their life pointed out. There may not be a simple six-word phrase to say when your child does not play, but there is definitely plenty to talk about.
Wolma has served as Hudsonville's athletic director since 2011 and previously coached boys varsity basketball and girls varsity golf among other teams. He also previously taught physical education and health.
Century of School Sports: Upper Peninsula Helps Makes Michigan's School Sports Story Unique
By
Geoff Kimmerly
MHSAA.com senior editor
May 27, 2025
From the parking lot of the MHSAA office in East Lansing, it’s a shorter drive to Kentucky than to Crystal Falls Forest Park High School on the far western border of the Upper Peninsula.
That little fun fact illustrates just a bit of what makes Michigan – made up of two large peninsulas surrounded by four of the world’s largest freshwater lakes and connected by one of its longest bridges – a fascinating place to live and serve as a statewide athletic association.
It also provides a little bit of context in explaining how Upper Peninsula athletics have occupied their own unique space both literally and figuratively in that statewide landscape dating back to well before the creation of the MHSAA in December 1924.
With time and technology, the world indeed has become smaller – and Michigan with it. And over the MHSAA’s 100-year history – with help from achievements like the Mackinac Bridge – the Upper and Lower Peninsulas have come to a place of competing together in most sports, during most of the same seasons, but still with some exceptions to accommodate notable differences that remain.
Consider first these two:
• There are 53 MHSAA-member high schools in the Upper Peninsula, located across roughly 16,000 square miles of land. That’s compared to 701 Lower Peninsula member high schools spread over about 40,000 square miles.
• There is only one high school with more than 1,000 students in the Upper Peninsula – Marquette, with an enrollment of 1,021 this school year to rank as the state’s 127th-largest overall. Escanaba, Sault Ste. Marie and Kingsford are the only other high schools with at least 500 students.
With those comparisons as conversation starters, it’s easy to understand how schools above the Bridge face increased travel time, distance and expenses compared to most of their downstate friends – during both the regular season and MHSAA postseason – and not to mention frequently shorter fall and spring outdoor sport seasons because of winters that start sooner and end later.
To make competition as equitable and worthwhile as possible amid those challenges, the MHSAA has settled on a mix of statewide and U.P.-only championships – and with the Upper Peninsula taking the lead on devising its championship schedules.
This week alone will see Boys Tennis, Girls & Boys Golf and Girls & Boys Track & Field Finals competed in U.P.-only divisions. Upper Peninsula girls tennis, girls and boys cross country, and girls and boys swimming & diving programs also operate their postseason tournaments separately from the Lower Peninsula.
Among other sports, boys basketball played separate tournaments by peninsula from 1932-47, wrestling was contended in separate tournaments from 1967-87, girls volleyball was separate from its first season of 1975-76 until unifying in 1999-2000, and girls gymnastics also was separated by peninsula from 1972-73 until unification in 2003-04.
The Upper Peninsula’s voice in these matters goes back to the MHSAA’s predecessor organizations – beginning in 1904 when Ironwood’s first superintendent Luther L. Wright served on the Michigan State Teacher’s Association’s Committee on High School Athletics. Howard S. Doolittle – formerly representing Saginaw Eastern before becoming principal of Calumet High School – played a major role in bringing Upper Peninsula schools (and the then-Upper Peninsula Association) into the fold with the Lower Peninsula schools under the MHSAA’s predecessor Michigan Interscholastic Athletic Association.
With the creation of the MHSAA and its Representative Council in 1924 came an elected member representing the Upper Peninsula – Escanaba superintendent R.E. Cheney during that first school year. A second representative was added a short time later so both the largest and smallest schools from that region had a vote. Gwinn’s Leo P. McDonald (1930-52) and Escanaba’s Dan Flynn (1988-2010) are among 11 Council members who have served at least 20 years, and as recently as 2014 the Council president hailed from just south of Lake Superior’s shores as Negaunee superintendent Jim Derocher finished his final term. Kingsford’s Chris Hartman and Calumet’s Sean Jacques currently serve as the U.P. reps.
The Upper Peninsula Association ceased when the MHSAA was created, but in 1933 the Council authorized the formation of the Upper Peninsula Athletic Committee, which from the start has taken a leading role in organizing the U.P.-only championships and continues as well to serve as an advisory board providing U.P. input on statewide topics of the day. Among its most memorable actions, the U.P. Athletic Committee played a large role in Upper Peninsula schools’ return to a statewide boys basketball tournament after 15 seasons of separation.
The most recent U.P. Athletic Committee meeting occurred April 24 and included members Hartman, Jacques, Mike Berutti (West Iron County), Vince Gross (Paradise Whitefish Township), Jack Kumpula (Lake Linden-Hubbell), Sam Larson (Menominee) and Paul Jacobson (Negaunee) along with Jim Bobula (Ontonagon), Don Gustafson (St. Ignace) and Dale Hongisto (Gladstone) in advisory roles.
They recommended and/or confirmed tournament sites for this spring’s Upper Peninsula Regional and Finals championships, some 2025-26 U.P. Finals and hosts for the U.P.’s Districts, Regionals and Quarterfinals in both girls volleyball this fall and girls and boys basketball for next winter. Committee members also discussed coaches education opportunities for this fall and the possibility of further U.P. involvement in future L.P.-only tournaments, among other topics.
Previous "Century of School Sports" Spotlights
May 20: From Nearly A to Z, Schools Repped by 221 Nicknames - Read
May 13: These Record-Setters were Nearly Impossible to Defeat - Read
May 6: 200+ Representatives Fill All-Time Council Roster - Read
April 29: MHSAA Programs Prioritize Health & Safety - Read
April 23: Patches Signify Registered Officials' Role in MHSAA Story - Read
April 16: Student Advisory Council Gives Voice to Athletes - Read
April 9: State's Storytellers Share Spring Memories - Read
April 2: Sharp Leadership Synonymous with MHSAA Success - Read
March 25: Athletic Directors Indispensable to Mission of School Sports - Read
March 18: 2025 Finals Begin Next Half-Century of Girls Hoops Championships - Read
March 11: Boys Basketball's Best 1st to Earn MHSAA Finals Titles - Read
March 5: Everything We Do Begins with Participation - Read
Feb. 25: Slogans & Logos Remain Unforgettable Parts of MHSAA History - Read
Feb. 19: MHSAA Tickets Continue to Provide Fan-Friendly Value - Read
Feb. 11: We Recognize Those Who Make Our Games Go - Read
Feb. 4: WISL Conference Continues to Inspire Aspiring Leaders - Read
Jan. 28: Michigan's National Impact Begins at NFHS' Start - Read
Jan. 21: Awards Celebrate Well-Rounded Educational Experience - Read
Jan. 14: Predecessors Laid Foundation for MHSAA's Formation - Read
Jan. 9: MHSAA Blazes Trail Into Cyberspace - Read
Dec. 31: State's Storytellers Share Winter Memories - Read
Dec. 17: MHSAA Over Time - Read
Dec. 10: On This Day, December 13, We Will Celebrate - Read
Dec. 3: MHSAA Work Guided by Representative Council - Read
Nov. 26: Finals Provide Future Pros Early Ford Field Glory - Read
Nov. 19: Connection at Heart of Coaches Advancement Program - Read
Nov. 12: Good Sports are Winners Then, Now & Always - Read
Nov. 5: MHSAA's Home Sweet Home - Read
Oct. 29: MHSAA Summits Draw Thousands to Promote Sportsmanship - Read
Oct. 23: Cross Country Finals Among MHSAA's Longest Running - Read
Oct. 15: State's Storytellers Share Fall Memories - Read
Oct. 8: Guided by 4 S's of Educational Athletics - Read
Oct. 1: Michigan Sends 10 to National Hall of Fame - Read
Sept. 25: MHSAA Record Books Filled with 1000s of Achievements - Read
Sept. 18: Why Does the MHSAA Have These Rules? - Read
Sept. 10: Special Medals, Patches to Commemorate Special Year - Read
Sept. 4: Fall to Finish with 50th Football Championships - Read
Aug. 28: Let the Celebration Begin - Read