After the Game: What do you say?
April 20, 2017
By Kevin Wolma
Hudsonville Athletic Director
“I love to watch you play.” Those are the six words a son or daughter wants to hear from his or her parents after a game.
What if your child does not play? What do you say then? Parents can’t say, “I love to watch you play” when your child does not play, nor can they say other post-competition statements like:
“Did you fight like a dog?”
“Did you have fun?”
It is hard to fight like a dog when not given the opportunity, and we all know players have more fun when they play in the game. When you google the phrase, “what to say after a game,” there are all sorts of articles written with some of them backed by research. However, when you google the phrase – “what to say when your kid does not play” – very little comes out of that search.
Why?
This is a hard and very sensitive area for most parents to come up with the right thing to say.
Before we talk about what to say in this situation, it may be more important to discuss what not to say after a game where your child does not play. Some of the comments all parents should avoid are:
“Why have you not played in the last three games? Your coach must not like you for some reason.”
“Your coach is clueless; he has no idea what he is doing.”
“You are way better than Johnny! I can’t believe he is playing more minutes than you.”
“Did you see how many mistakes Suzie made? I know if you were given the opportunity you would not make those same mistakes.”
Parents will often say these things because they are frustrated, and parents think they are comforting their child by giving them an excuse. What these comments actually do is create a divisive culture within a team. After hearing these negative comments over and over again, the athlete will eventually believe it only to see his or her attitude and effort become negatively affected over time. That athlete turns into a selfish teammate.
Now let’s put yourself in the situation where your child comes home after a game after not playing. What do you say?
The first thing you could do is talk about the game itself. Recount certain plays and make note of individuals who played well for both teams. This initial conversation takes the uncomfortable nature of the situation and sets the stage to talk about how athletes feel about not getting into the game.
There may be times when your child will not want to talk about it because he or she is upset, angry or even embarrassed. These moments of silence give the parents an opportunity to talk about the importance of being a good teammate and how an athlete can have a major impact on the team no matter what role is played. They can teach how to be the first person off the bench to congratulate or give a word of encouragement to teammates. Parents also can point out that the harder athletes work in practice, the better it is going to make the team.
In other words, we have the responsibility as parents to teach our kids the significance of living life pointed out no matter the circumstance. Living pointed out simply means to put others before yourself in everything you do. Finding ways to make the people around you the best they can be. No complaining. No excuses.
Andrew DeWitt played two years of Varsity basketball for me at Hudsonville, and he rarely had the opportunity to play. Unfortunately for him, he was a good player on two really good teams with lots of talent. He understood his role and treated practices like games – playing as hard as he could.
He would elevate the intensity of practice every day. On game nights, he was our biggest cheerleader. His impact went way beyond scoring points or getting rebounds.
Andrew’s parents were great teachers as they guided him through those tough times where it would have been easy to make an excuse or complain. Instead, they taught Andrew he could always have an influence on other people’s lives despite the role he played. What a great lesson that Andrew can carry with him for the rest of his life.
At the end of the day, one thing every parent in every situation can say that will have a positive impact is, “I love you.” Many times athletes think they are letting their parents down because of their lack of playing time. Knowing that their parents love them the same whether they play a lot or not at all has a significant impact on how the student-athlete responds to adversity, and specifically not playing in games.
I challenge all parents to use these potentially negative situations as a way to teach student-athletes valuable lessons on what it means to be a great teammate – and more importantly in teaching them to live their life pointed out. There may not be a simple six-word phrase to say when your child does not play, but there is definitely plenty to talk about.
Wolma has served as Hudsonville's athletic director since 2011 and previously coached boys varsity basketball and girls varsity golf among other teams. He also previously taught physical education and health.
Flashback 100: One Last Look Back as We Turn Focus Toward Future
July 10, 2025
We hope you’ve enjoyed this school year's retrospective on some of the most iconic athletes and personalities who began their journeys in MHSAA sports. While we’ve done our best to highlight a diverse range of individuals across various sports and professions, a single year simply isn’t enough to capture every standout story.
Michigan high schools have produced an incredible array of talent — and the following, in addition to those we've wrote about over the last 10 monrths, are just another glimpse of that legacy:
- Kirk Gibson (Waterford Kettering) – The 1988 National League MVP also played a pivotal role in the Detroit Tigers’ 1984 World Series championship and starred in football as well at Michigan State.
- Jake Long (Lapeer East) – Selected as the NFL’s No. 1 overall draft pick in 2008, he's among a distinguished list of Michigan high school alums to go early in the draft, including Braylon Edwards (Harper Woods Bishop Gallagher, No. 3 in 2005), Carl Banks (Flint Beecher, No. 3 in 1984), Jerome Bettis (Detroit Mackenzie, No. 10 in 1993), and Tyrone Wheatley (Dearborn Heights Robichaud, No. 17 in 1995).
- Jeff Daniels (Chelsea) – Before becoming a renowned actor with credits like The Newsroom, Escanaba in da Moonlight, and Dumb and Dumber, Daniels was a high school baseball player.
- Lisa Byington (Portage Northern) – A trailblazing broadcaster, she serves as the play-by-play voice for the Milwaukee Bucks and regularly appears on CBS during NCAA Basketball Tournaments.
- Kristin Haynie (Mason) – She was first athlete to play in both the NCAA Women’s Division I Basketball Championship and the WNBA Finals in the same calendar year.
- Jalen Rose, Voshon Lenard, and Howard Eisley – This trio of NBA professionals once shared the court at Detroit Southwestern, making it one of the most talent-rich high school teams in state history.
- Jim Abbott (Flint Central) – Born without a right hand, Abbott defied the odds to pitch for 10 seasons in Major League Baseball.
- Earl Morrall (Muskegon) – He was named NFL MVP in 1968 and enjoyed a long and successful pro football career.
- Charlie Gehringer (Fowlerville) and Hal Newhouser (Detroit Wilbur Wright) – Both legends of Major League Baseball, each captured MVP honors during their Hall of Fame careers.
- Kate Markgraf (Detroit Country Day) – A champion at every level of soccer, she earned titles in high school and college, an Olympic Gold Medal, and a FIFA World Cup victory.
- Allison Schmitt (Canton) – One of the most decorated American swimmers of all time, Schmitt has earned 10 Olympic medals.
- Jason Richardson (Saginaw Arthur Hill) and Charles Rogers (Saginaw) – Both were drafted among the top five in their respective college sports (Richardson to the NBA in 2001, Rogers to the NFL in 2003) and faced off against each other as part of one of the state's most historic basketball rivalries.
- Staying with the city of Saginaw, Draymond Green (Saginaw) won a basketball championship in high school (2007) and then four in the NBA (2015, 2017, 2018, 2022) after being drafted in the second round of the 2012 draft by the Golden State Warriors.
And the legacy continues. Olympic gold medal dreams are alive in track & field standouts like Taylor Manson (East Lansing), Hobbs Kessler (Ann Arbor Skyline), and Grant Fisher (Grand Blanc), who are already well-accomplished on the worldwide stage.
So, who’s next?
Who will be the next MHSAA athlete selected on draft night? Hoisting an MVP trophy? Standing atop the podium as a champion?
We don’t know yet — but as we close the book on the first 100 years of MHSAA history, we can’t wait to see what the next century will bring.
Previous "Flashback 100" Features
June 23: Hutchinson's Dominance Starts as Multi-Sport Divine Child Standout - Read
June 10: Wagner's Dream of Going on Tour Realized - with Greta Van Fleet - Read
May 23: Tarpley's Legendary Run Began as Portage Central's Miss Soccer - Read
May 16: Scane’s Record-Setting Lacrosse Run Began at Cranbrook Kingswood - Read
May 8: Duckett's High School Domination Extended to Shot Put Circle - Read
May 6: MHSAA Titles Just Start for NCAA Champion, Olympian Stark - Read
May 1: Legendary Actor Played Multiple Sports Roles at Country Day - Read
April 23: Legacy Program Provided Start for Pioneering NBA Official Schroeder - Read
April 11: Rice's Championship-Winning Ways Started at Flint Northwestern - Read
March 28: Youngquist's Times Still Among MHSAA's Fastest - Read
March 18: After 40 Years, Coles' Shot Remains Among Century's Most Famous - Read
March 7: Walled Lake Northern's Hellebuyck Reigns as NHL's Elite Netminder - Read
Feb. 27: Zeerip's Mat Stats Remain Rarely-Challenged Chart Toppers - Read
Feb. 21: Before TV Stardom, Kerwin Excelled as All-State Skier - Read
Feb. 14: Detroit Central Star Voted into Pro Football Hall of Fame - Read
Feb. 6: Multi-Sport Star Look Becomes Super Bowl Officiating Legend - Read
Jan. 31: Johnson Family Put Magical Stamp on Michigan High School Hoops - Read
Jan. 24: Future Hall of Famers Face Off First in MHSAA Class A Final - Read
Jan. 17: First-Ever WNBA Draft Pick Rocked at Salem, Won Titles at Tennessee - Read
Jan. 10: Despite Launching Before 3-Point Line, Smith Still Tops Scoring List - Read
Jan. 3: Edison's Jackson Earns Place Among State's All-Time Elite - Read
Dec. 20: Future Olympian Piper Leads Grosse Pointe North to Historic Heights - Read
Dec. 13: The Other Mr. Forsythe in Michigan School Sports - Read
Dec. 6: Coleman's Legendary Heroics Carry Harrison Through Repeat - Read
Nov. 29: Harbaugh Brothers' Football Roots Planted in Part at Pioneer - Read
Nov. 22: 8-Player Football Finals Right at Home at Superior Dome - Read
Nov. 15: Leland Career Helps Set Stage for Glass' International Stardom - Read
Nov. 8: Future Baseball Pro Led Escanaba's Legendary Football Title Run - Read
Nov. 1: Michigan High School Baseball Trio Provide World Series Voices - Read
Oct. 25: Before Leading Free World, Ford Starred for Champion GR South - Read
Oct. 18: Mercy Links Legend Becomes World Golf Hall of Famer - Read
Oct. 11: Fisher Races to Finals Stardom on Way to U.S. Olympic First - Read
Oct. 4: Lalas Leaves High School Legacies on Ice & Pitch - Read
Sept. 27: Tamer's History-Making Run Starts in Dexter, Continues to Paris - Read
Sept. 20: Todd Martin’s Road to Greatness Starts at East Lansing - Read
Sept. 13: James Earl Jones, Dickson High Hoops to Hollywood Legend - Read
Sept. 6: Pioneers' Unstoppable Streak Stretches 9 Seasons - Read
Aug. 30: Detroit dePorres Rushes to 1995 Class CC Football Championship - Read
PHOTOS Clockwise from left: Taylor Manson sprints for East Lansing, Hobbs Kessler wins a race for Ann Arbor Pioneer, Jason Richardson plays in a Class A Basketball Final for Saginaw Arthur Hill and Allison Schmitt swims a championship race for Canton. (Manson photo courtesy of the Lansing State Journal; Kessler photo by RunMichigan.com. Others are MHSAA file photos.)