After the Game: What do you say?
April 20, 2017
By Kevin Wolma
Hudsonville Athletic Director
“I love to watch you play.” Those are the six words a son or daughter wants to hear from his or her parents after a game.
What if your child does not play? What do you say then? Parents can’t say, “I love to watch you play” when your child does not play, nor can they say other post-competition statements like:
“Did you fight like a dog?”
“Did you have fun?”
It is hard to fight like a dog when not given the opportunity, and we all know players have more fun when they play in the game. When you google the phrase, “what to say after a game,” there are all sorts of articles written with some of them backed by research. However, when you google the phrase – “what to say when your kid does not play” – very little comes out of that search.
Why?
This is a hard and very sensitive area for most parents to come up with the right thing to say.
Before we talk about what to say in this situation, it may be more important to discuss what not to say after a game where your child does not play. Some of the comments all parents should avoid are:
“Why have you not played in the last three games? Your coach must not like you for some reason.”
“Your coach is clueless; he has no idea what he is doing.”
“You are way better than Johnny! I can’t believe he is playing more minutes than you.”
“Did you see how many mistakes Suzie made? I know if you were given the opportunity you would not make those same mistakes.”
Parents will often say these things because they are frustrated, and parents think they are comforting their child by giving them an excuse. What these comments actually do is create a divisive culture within a team. After hearing these negative comments over and over again, the athlete will eventually believe it only to see his or her attitude and effort become negatively affected over time. That athlete turns into a selfish teammate.
Now let’s put yourself in the situation where your child comes home after a game after not playing. What do you say?
The first thing you could do is talk about the game itself. Recount certain plays and make note of individuals who played well for both teams. This initial conversation takes the uncomfortable nature of the situation and sets the stage to talk about how athletes feel about not getting into the game.
There may be times when your child will not want to talk about it because he or she is upset, angry or even embarrassed. These moments of silence give the parents an opportunity to talk about the importance of being a good teammate and how an athlete can have a major impact on the team no matter what role is played. They can teach how to be the first person off the bench to congratulate or give a word of encouragement to teammates. Parents also can point out that the harder athletes work in practice, the better it is going to make the team.
In other words, we have the responsibility as parents to teach our kids the significance of living life pointed out no matter the circumstance. Living pointed out simply means to put others before yourself in everything you do. Finding ways to make the people around you the best they can be. No complaining. No excuses.
Andrew DeWitt played two years of Varsity basketball for me at Hudsonville, and he rarely had the opportunity to play. Unfortunately for him, he was a good player on two really good teams with lots of talent. He understood his role and treated practices like games – playing as hard as he could.
He would elevate the intensity of practice every day. On game nights, he was our biggest cheerleader. His impact went way beyond scoring points or getting rebounds.
Andrew’s parents were great teachers as they guided him through those tough times where it would have been easy to make an excuse or complain. Instead, they taught Andrew he could always have an influence on other people’s lives despite the role he played. What a great lesson that Andrew can carry with him for the rest of his life.
At the end of the day, one thing every parent in every situation can say that will have a positive impact is, “I love you.” Many times athletes think they are letting their parents down because of their lack of playing time. Knowing that their parents love them the same whether they play a lot or not at all has a significant impact on how the student-athlete responds to adversity, and specifically not playing in games.
I challenge all parents to use these potentially negative situations as a way to teach student-athletes valuable lessons on what it means to be a great teammate – and more importantly in teaching them to live their life pointed out. There may not be a simple six-word phrase to say when your child does not play, but there is definitely plenty to talk about.
Wolma has served as Hudsonville's athletic director since 2011 and previously coached boys varsity basketball and girls varsity golf among other teams. He also previously taught physical education and health.
Century of School Sports: Predecessors Laid Foundation for MHSAA's Formation
By
Geoff Kimmerly
MHSAA.com senior editor
January 14, 2025
We have celebrated throughout this school year the 100th anniversary of the Michigan High School Athletic Association – our “Century of School Sports.” But the first high school sports in this state were being played more than a half-century before the MHSAA was established in December 1924 – and it’s important to recognize our predecessor organizations for their pioneering work.
To keep things very brief, it’s fair to say that high school athletics in Michigan followed the increase in number high schools across the state – especially public schools – as well as interest in sports predominantly at the college level.
In lieu of citing detail by detail, the following is based on research from “Athletics in Michigan High Schools – The First Hundred Years” by L.L. Forsythe, who served as the first president of the MHSAA Representative Council after playing a leading role in its creation as an officer of the previous Michigan Interscholastic Athletic Association. Newspaper reports of the day also contributed to what's summarized below.
It is also key to keep in mind a few things about the organizations that regulated high school athletics before the MHSAA, and to understand their relation to our work today:
- Schools at the start of organized athletics sought primarily to create competitive equity and a safe playing environment for their teams and athletes.
- Schools looked to the statewide organization to uphold and consider appeals for those rules regulating eligibility and fair play.
- Schools later asked for the statewide organization to take over sponsorship of the statewide championship events that began to crop up over the 30 years before the MHSAA formed.
According to Forsythe’s research, the first public high schools in Michigan opened during the middle of the 19th century – as of 1850, only 3-4 existed, but after the Civil War that number began to grow, and with it an interest in athletics as part of student life. Football and baseball were main draws, later to be joined by basketball and track & field – which would be among the MHSAA’s first championship offerings several years later.
The Beginning (1895-1909)
Forsythe notes that 1895 saw the first steps toward regulating high school athletics on a statewide basis. A few entities took on roles in an attempt to bring structure.
- The Michigan State Teachers Association, which in 1895 began to recruit schools to become part of an organization that would require eligible athletes to be enrolled students, succeeding academically with at least a “passing grade,” and participating in no more than five seasons or years of a sport. However, the MSTA did not have a program of activities, as those of the day were generally organized by universities.
- The University Athletic Association was formed by University of Michigan in 1898, and was the main organizer of invitational “state” championships in partnership with the MSTA.
- Another organization, the Michigan Inter-School Athletic Association, also pops up in 1895 as the host of what aspired to be an annual field day.
Michigan Interscholastic Athletic Association (1909-1924)
The Michigan Schoolmasters’ Club absorbed control of athletics from the MSTA in April 1909, forming the MIAA and immediately introducing a series of regulations including an age limit of 21 years old, an eligibility limit of four years, and a restriction on participation by athletes who had competed professionally.
The MIAA would continue to set other eligibility rules, charge dues ($1), and also write into bylaws that member schools could play only member schools. That latter detail was a big driver of growth – the revised MIAA constitution in 1921 added that regulation, and the association grow from 26 schools in 1920 to 130 in 1921, to 284 in 1922 to 305 schools in 1923.
On the event side, the MIAA conducted its first state track meet in 1912, then did so coordinating with Michigan State College. The 1921 basketball tournament saw the first mention of classes – Class B for schools with 250 or fewer students, and Class A for schools with more than 250.
It should also be noted that during the early 1920s, MIAA representatives helped form the organization (first of Midwest states) that would become the National Federation of State High School Associations (NFHS) – which continues to write game rules for nearly all MHSAA sports.
The MIAA continued operating into its annual meeting in December 1923, when leaders were presented with an unwelcome surprise announcement – the Michigan legislature, at the close of its recent session, had transferred supervision of interscholastic athletics to the state Superintendent of Public Instruction (to the superintendent's surprise as well, Forsythe noted).
The negotiations between schools and the state over the following year resulted in the dissolution of the MIAA on Dec. 5, 1924 – and the first meeting of the MHSAA eight days later.
Previous "Century of School Sports" Spotlights
Jan. 9: MHSAA Blazes Trail Into Cyberspace - Read
Dec. 31: State's Storytellers Share Winter Memories - Read
Dec. 17: MHSAA Over Time - Read
Dec. 10: On This Day, December 13, We Will Celebrate - Read
Dec. 3: MHSAA Work Guided by Representative Council - Read
Nov. 26: Finals Provide Future Pros Early Ford Field Glory - Read
Nov. 19: Connection at Heart of Coaches Advancement Program - Read
Nov. 12: Good Sports are Winners Then, Now & Always - Read
Nov. 5: MHSAA's Home Sweet Home - Read
Oct. 29: MHSAA Summits Draw Thousands to Promote Sportsmanship - Read
Oct. 23: Cross Country Finals Among MHSAA's Longest Running - Read
Oct. 15: State's Storytellers Share Fall Memories - Read
Oct. 8: Guided by 4 S's of Educational Athletics - Read
Oct. 1: Michigan Sends 10 to National Hall of Fame - Read
Sept. 25: MHSAA Record Books Filled with 1000s of Achievements - Read
Sept. 18: Why Does the MHSAA Have These Rules? - Read
Sept. 10: Special Medals, Patches to Commemorate Special Year - Read
Sept. 4: Fall to Finish with 50th Football Championships - Read
Aug. 28: Let the Celebration Begin - Read